Silence speaks volumes

I'm  talking. I don't  think THEY are listening. I'm frustrated. So I stop. Silence!

OH NOW! I've captured your attention. I'm fuming inside. What's wrong? I stare back. I say nothing. In my mind. WTF! You haven't listened to me, that's what is wrong. I've been engaging in a conversation with myself. Argh!

I have this conversation  in my head at least 2 times a week. It's  tiresome. I'm not being heard. So I withdraw to my zen place. It varies but my default is usually  my phone, a book, my room or music. 

I'm responsible for communicating my message but what do you do when you are tuned out? And, I get resentful because I'm not being heard, understood and I'm tired. 

41 and a new mom. Teen-tude and pre-teen/middle child talks. I'm deaf to their ears. The hubby cranky from traffic. No one's needs are being met. Silence as everyone settles. Everyone walking on pins and needles. ROAR! I YELL! Irritated because I'm sleepy. I'm very much like my newborn. I cry (inside) when I'm tired, hungry or sleepy.

3 hours later...I'm still cranky but I cook in silence. The nap rested my body but I realized I was hungry. And,  dinner is not made. Breastfeeding taking my energy and food necessary to produce milk. So I finish making dinner.

I realize my coping mechanism when I'm stressed and overwhelmed is SILENCE...it frightens my family. They know I'm brewing. They wait for the explosion. I'm about to lose it. And, I say as calm as possible with the little energy I have. "Everyone has their limits! I'm  done!!!! So I decide to sit. Listen to my body and return to the flight response. I'm finding that taking it day by day is all I can do. This mama needs to go to bed before the sun rises and my grind starts again. Saying my prayers thanking for this crazy life of motherhood. It won't last forever.