The circle of life is amazing. We start as newborns reliant on our parents for all the necessities. At the end of life, we become again reliant on caretakers to see we are cared for physically. All the years we are in between we are in this constant change trying to become independent and cultivate relationships. How fortunate are we if we are able to grow with others and share the life stages. I've been so blessed to have such a support system. We have grown as sisters. All of my life I always asked God to give me sisters. I got 3 brothers!! God knew my Dad could only have one princess. I am my Mother. Growing up I thought I would be the opposite of her. The older I get the more I realize how much she has instilled values to me. I watched her hold her tongue when people gossiped about. her and my parents who have struggled throughout their marriage. When I was in my teens, I just never realized the depths of her integrity and virtue. She chose not to drink, party, gamble or date when my parents were separated. She chose her children's well being and strive to provide a home, education and stability. As I watch her age, I still see that strength in her as she shares her wisdom of parenting and watching her enjoy her grandchildren is priceless.
This is one thing my children will never understand. I grew up in the 80s where we ran the streets, didn't have personal electric gadgets, had manners and respected adults. We manonged to our elders, called adults by Mr. and Mrs., worked in high school, referred to our older siblings or cousins Ate or Kuya and college was not an option. My kids will never be required to take public transportation to get to school, go to bed hungry, live without electricity or only have one pair of shoes for the year.
Coming from humble beginnings has taught me the value of hard work, strong ethical behaviors and the value of family. In the end, my family are the ones that cared for me when I was sick with cancer, cared for my children each time I battled post partum depression and went through my divorce. My parents told us to stick together and as we watch our parents age and minds deteriorate. We have had some hard decisions about their health care, physical care and funeral arrangements. All this while I raise my 3 children, one of which is a 4 month infant, tween and hormonal teen. It has been challenging to say the least.
My solace is watching my girls draw closer. Build memories of caring for their baby sister, spending weekends with Lolo and Grandma and creatively entertain themselves. The prayers I say each morning when I see the sunrise is gratefulness. I don't know what my God has planned for me but I know what he expects of me. I am in a change of season in my life purging the negativity and focusing on the blessings just as the seasons are changing from fall to winter. I am setting my burden to my Lord and remaining steadfast in his promise he is watching over me. He is guiding me and I am letting go of the hurt and anger. I am accepting what is not understood and forgiving those I love who have hurt me. And, opening my heart for peace, love and kindness. Today of all days as I write this on Thanksgiving is a reminder the most important things in my life are God's love and promise, my family, my health, the basic necessities and a wonderful extension of my family which have become family. There is no amount of money that can replace these blessings. From the wise words of my mother, I am rich, rich in love and it is enough!
No comments:
Post a Comment