Comfort zone

All summer my girls and I rendered an unscheduled plan. They decided last minute to participate in sports outside of their comfort zone and tried something new. And, they loved it! We explored new sites in our local area. And, while they say they would have gone to Hawaii or somewhere exotic. They loved it! The selfies prove it.

I think my most memorable part of the summer was having the long conversations at the pool with my family. Hearing the girls banter back and forth through board games and just dance on the wii. We all said that we wanted an exotic vacation but of course money and time were limitations. In the end, we had a staycation in one of our favorite local cities. And, we enjoyed some great family time. Long overdue family time and made some great memories. When I ask my girls what some highs of the summer was for them...it was getting to experience vacation, beach days and day excursions with their baby sister. It warms my heart! This is what its all about!

When I look at all the pictures from the summer and the start of a new school year, I smile at the fact, we all went outside of our comfort zone. We visited new places, we all tried new things, we enjoyed each other's company and my children have grown a new appreciation for going outside of their comfort zone.

A new school year with my oldest starting high school without her friends from junior high. I am proud of her for making a choice herself. She acknowledge her fear of not knowing anyone going with her  from her previous school but still forged ahead. And, on the first day, meet a core group of friends and signed up for ASB. When I asked her if she regretted going to a different school from her friends, she said no. She is sticking by her decision, even though I know she feels bad when she sees pictures of her friends on social media.She is creating a path for herself. She if confident in her decision. She is forming new bonds.On top of this, joining a new sport at a new school. And, training on her own. Her summer of nesting at home and her experience from junior high has created a new young lady.

B

My middle child starting junior high has started without a hitch. She has adapted well. My shy child has made new friends and despite not having all her friends in her classes or at lunch, she has maintained a positive outlook. What stands out the most for me is her ability to adapt. Not only has our scheduled changed but she has taken initiative to be responsible for herself and helping out at home with her baby sister.

And, just while we started the new year, I go outside of my comfort zone to take on a new position with a new company. I'm not sure how crazy this year will be but I welcome the change. And, like my girls, I will go outside of my comfort zone. I am setting an example for my girls. They are watching me. I want to do them right by creating opportunities for growth within myself so they can see it is important to be a Mom at home and a Career Mom. I am beyond grateful for this opportunity. I can still be the kind of Mom who is present when they need me and balance a career.I am grateful to my husband who is supportive and allows me the opportunity to be the kind of mom and wife that fits our family.

Advocacy

Have you had a chance to advocate for something? What do you stand for? When is it worth while to take a stand for something?

Advocacy is public support for a cause.

Early in my childhood, I took on advocate work. Education, homelessness and poverty, health issues, domestic violence and gender parity. 

Last month, we celebrated #internationalwomensday. As the month continued and having conversations with my girlfriends who are moms, entrepreneurs, stakeholders in our communities, and educators it is apparent as moms we naturally advocate for our children.  As WOMEN do our roles of motherhood depriortize ourselves? Around the world there isn't gender parity. There are much larger issues such as violence, hunger, etc. But, can you imagine if heads of states would implement policy for gender parity, how much value women can give out communities impact the GDP of each country. Our world is at a loss for not utilizing the resources of what a woman brings to the table. 

People ask me why I chose to quit my career when I peaked. And, it was such a personal choice made based on my priorities. Motherhood changes you. I wasn't just defined by working title, salary, office space, assets, or travel. Does it devalue my experience that I work part time so I can be a full time stay at home mom?  I have 3 girls. For me, I am showing them how to balance life. It was my choice, not corporate America's. Can I go back full time and go running back to my career and make 6 figures? I test marketed my skill set to prove something  to myself and family. Yes! I can even after leaving my full time career 12 years ago. Why? I have value in what I do everyday. And, I made sure I would have something  to go back to when I am an empty nester. I get asked why I juggle multiple hats. It's because it allows me the flexibility  to stay at home,  sustain an income to contribute, engage with adults and it's fulfilling. I am a better individual being able to juggle these roles. I am happier. And, why wouldn't  I? Didn't my Grandmother and mother advocate for women's rights?

Waiting for our children and listening to a girlfriend share her comings and going of motherhood /womanhood I was reminded how similar our struggles are with raising children in different stages,  working, battling health issues, aging, and relationships. I was in awe of her ability to manage all her roles and remain smiling. Sharing her personal health news made me sad. Not just because of my own health history and the scares it comes with but because she no longer has her parents and is only child. And, when she shared the news with me and a mutual friend. We all discussed getting together. We should celebrate life. And so, as tradition continues after 5 years we celebrate the lives of some exceptional women I know and love. Not just for their roles as mothers and sisters who I now have but also the value they bring to their communities, the passion they bring to their roles of Medicine, PHARMd, Nurse practitioner, Culinary  artist, Educator and Religious Ministry. 

My child was insightful when I mentioned I would   celebrate  all these women whom I love. Mama, they were born on this week of March (some on the same year in different parts of the world) only to be brought together by the bond of womanhood/sisterhood.

It was during this same week I uncovered by chance someone who was close to my heart betrayed my  trust. How can we say we advocate for right and the moral compass of what God asks of us when our actions are the complete opposite. To spread gossip, make threatening comments, make defamatory  statements and ill will toward children. Then, in your face tell you they love you and would do anything for you. The wounds still healing  in my back not just because of the uncovering of deceit and dishonesty but the calculated actions of  malice toward me and my entire family. It reminds me of a book I just read, sociopaths come in all forms and faces. It is now I retrace my thoughts and memories and it is with clear eyes, how much trust I put in this friendship and as I close the door. I pray for those who choose to destroy and I seek for wisdom to move forward with forgiveness. Thankful for the genuine people in my life who are honest enough even when it is uncomfortable  and can love me even with my most annoying and unnerving idiosyncrasies. 

PSA to my fellow women: take care of yourself. The world needs you. Get your mammogram, physical,  take a vacation, walk and smell the ROSEs and smile. It is a NEW day and it's a gift. 

This little lamb

How appropriate as lent begins,  my girls are able to see my little lamb welcomed into God's family. We were reminded of how much sacrifice God's for his children because his love is infinite.

I always tell my children that there is no greater love than God's outside of mine. LOL! And, HE has plan for them. They witnessed this when family  and friends gathered to see our little lamb baptized. We are blessed for having God's presence come into fruition in front of our eyes and this child be an example.  The little one arrived 8 years after my diagnosis of thyroid cancer. The world is destined for another woman to make change. I had this longing when I was initially diagnosed and when I got the news I was having another child it was surreal. I was in the middle of watching my Grandmother's health declining and  having her say her goodbyes. As a tribute to her, my little one carries her name which means gift. She is a gift. She is a reminder each new day of life is a gift. And, we shouldn't  take it for granted. 

My middle child recounted the day she found out she would be a big sister . Her initial reaction,  was anger. Why? She wouldn't be the baby in the family and I wouldn't have time for her the way she was accustomed. At 10 years old, I was amazed she was comfortable  and honest to be vulnerable and express her feelings. She owned it. I listened to her and then we went to mass. On our way, I talked about the benefits of having a younger sister. It was in the same church where she was baptized and my little lamb would be, my girl apologized to us before communion. She said she loved her sister. And, she rubbed my belly and whispered she loved her already. As a mom 2 months pregnant full of hormones, my eyes wept of joy and relief. 

As I stood up to walk to the baptismal water fountain, I saw rows of family and friends who are family ready to see our youngest child's body get completely immersed in water. Why  is it significant?  It represents new beginnings,  life and the support my child will need as she journeys through our faith. I feel blessed.  My child will grow up seeing these  people and be able to go to them when I pass one day. Thankful to our friends  who are her Godparents and their families.  

Punched in the stomach

If I was to guess the moment, I heard bad news, I'd guess it would usually be at the least likely appealing place. This week, I had to step back from the unsettling news of death of a family friend who is my age. I felt like I was punched in the stomach. A stream of emotions over whelmed me as I recalled childhood memories of family picnics, vacations, and conversations of what we do when we grew up. Some 20+ years later, we lost touch because life took us in different directions but always heard about the ins and outs through our parents. I am saddened because I knew she had health issues and never quite took time to visit her. And, I regret it. I kept putting it off for tomorrow and now she is gone.

I was sulking this week as I am recovering from the flu and tending to my 3 girls who are also sick. Oh the joys of mother hood. The coughing, hacking, blowing noses and vomit are just part of the symptoms. The good thing, we all got sleep and much needed sleep. In between naps throughout the day, I was thankful to my parents for comfort food. The simplicity of rice porridge tastes like gold in my mouth and helps opens up my breathing passages. While spending most of the week in PJs, I got to reconnect with my girls by binging on Netflix series, reading aloud, and making silly videos. My girls all sharing in their misery together and still could laugh together just made me thankful. Their bond so tight and interwoven. My mom used to tell me growing up that my brothers and I only had each other to count on. I say the same to my girls. And, as friendships have shifted over the years, I have seen my two older girls confide in each other as they mature. It makes my heart warm because I know after I pass, I am confident they will be each other's support.

Holiday transformations

The holidays are a wonderful reminder of what is truly important. The people who surround you throughout the year who take an effort to share their time with you are genuinely the ones you can count on. The year has brought many gifts for our family. The birth of our 3rd daughter has strengthened our bond and completes us. The unity of my family when my maternal grandmother passed away. The health concerns of my parents and mother in law are reminders to keep our health in check and not for granted. With all the recent shootings locally, reminders for my kids to take precaution of those around us. The cyberbullying from peers to hold our tongue to show emotional restraint. When faced with untruths and lies to face them with dignity and truth will always unfold. As a family we have shared many blessings and are surrounded by a strong social support. Even when we had trials that affected our entire family, extended family and closest friends were there to share a listening ear, advise and give it without malice. 

As the year ends, new beginnings and resolutions are made so we can grow. Change is promised for the new year, one year wiser from experience. Positive vibes encouraged throughout the year and eliminating any ill feelings, negative people and freeing ourselves of the hurt. We use our past experiences as learning opportunities to grow ans move forward focusing on the good and greater good. 

Peace and upheaval can coexist

I've learned to live with the chaos having a family. The unscheduled and unplanned events that come up with motherhood. I understand my ability to be fluid is due to my personality, my upbringing and personal experience. I have to remind myself not all my family members are willing to be that fluid. I ask my husband why he gets so irritated when plans change and his answer is always the same. " I like to plan ahead and know what to expect". This my other half who grew up as an only child and did not have to share a room, compromise with a sibling, care for a younger sibling can be narcissistic at times who cannot relate to how I grew up. I on the other hand always compromising and mediating between my brothers.

I watch my girls navigate through their conversations, arguments and texts with friends. In a way, they have an advantage over my husband. The skill of being flexible is useful throughout life. I watch my husband navigate through raising our kids and see frustration build because having a teen, tween and newborn makes it hard to schedule priorities, leaving the house on time, arriving to our destination without an emotional meltdown or explosion of some sorts..usually involving a diaper and clothing change. So different from his rigid military experience. Having children teaches you to adapt and patience.

This week as I watched the news, I was reminded of 9-11  and hearing how terrorist attacks was close to home. I started texting my husband about the moments ensued and knew his non response was due to his work related knowledge. I waited till he came home and the kids settled for bed to find out what he knew. I take it for granted, feeling protected and safe. We live in a quiet suburban community. We had to address what happened in the same city my daughter practices for soccer.  Kids from my daughters team affected by this tragedy. Colleagues and former classmates in close proximity of the events. I pray fiercely for those who protect us. I weep for the families who lost loved ones. I hope for peace and good will. The events that took place as I got background information while watching the news was chilling.

In my chaos of raising a young family, maintaining my business, I pause. Thankful for the co-existence of peace  in my heart during this upheaval of evil in this world. Admiring the multiple agencies for stepping up and working together and it reminds  of the good in this world. I pray everyday and each year my birthday wish is for peace in this.world. Love is the key. Let's make a change for the better. Love one another! For you, our children, our community and our world. We start at home. It starts with action. We set the example of showing love. Not war, hatred, fear or malicious actions..I choose to be the first rather than the last. Even if it not the norm. I will choose right over wrong. Love over war. Peace versus Fight. Good instead of Evil..it's my foundation and faith which has brought me to this self awareness. I will be fluid to make change for the better my goal. 

Repeat and Rewind

Life doesn't afford you an opportunity to repeat and rewind. As humans we have a great way to speak our mind but in the same respect we also have emotions. While it is great to be honest, sometimes it can get you into trouble. Why is it so hard to be kind and have loving words to others? Even to our own family members. Especially those close to us their words they say have deeper meaning and cut deep. This is why talking out of emotion is never a good idea. We can't repeat and rewind.

Communication comes in various forms: non verbal and verbal. We often communicate through our tone, inflection and body language. Through text and email, it is always hard to read in between the lines. Once a text message is sent, you cannot take back those words. I believe we have lost the art of communication because of technology. We rarely have phone conversations and face to face interactions because we have become busy. Who has time to dedicate an hour to talking when kids interrupt? How do we as adults set an example when we gossip in front of children? How do we talk to our spouses, parents, our in laws, siblings and friends? Our children are watching! Very closely I might add. They form opinions based on what we share and the conversations we have with one another.

Are we aware of what kinds of messages we are sending when we talk rude? Yet expect our children not to be rude?  Instead we can choose to speak kindly others, lift people up and praise their strengths. Not so easily to do when someone has wronged you. But, doing the right thing isn't always the easiest thing to do. 

My girlfriend sent me a link to a blog. And, it was amazing how parents want to shield and protect kids and shun out others because they are hurt. Reading the blog, I realized I have to show love and kindness even to those that have hurt me and my family. And, imagine the effects if we all did this. The world would be so much nicer. I'm coming to a place where I can do this because 4 decades of experiencing poor communication in the home, work place and friendships have taught me this. The experience alone is enough to make my grey hairs pop out. Now back to life and feeding spirit and souls of my children. I only have so much time left where I can influence them. After that time has passed my influences declines rapidly.

I am trying to maximize my quality of time with my children. I don't get to repeat and rewind. I think about the call I get that my aunt has passed. This is two deaths in my family and it is reminder to continue to hold my babies close to me. Thank the heavens I am given another day to kiss, hug and tell them I love them. To wake up with my hubby as he forges through his day to be the provider for our family and protect our country's interest. God is great! All the time and the sunrise is always my reminder a new day is awaiting to enjoy my present.