Perceptions

     I've been sitting here trying to process what has happened in the last month and how is has affected my child and her well being. I am distraught with the comings and goings over the last month and am tired of it all. Blood is thicker than water. People will defend blood even if it's wrong. What is the end
result when your child is not held responsible for their actions?

    What adult can see objectively in a group of teen issues if she has her hands in all their pockets by seeing their social media posts, drama includes your daughter if you can see where the problems lie. When you are knee deep because of here say and gossip from children it's time for you to get an adult perspective and not just someone who has the same opinion as you. If you don't address the issues, act like your innocent in having the girl drama persist and view your child as an angel who also is a part of the problem then hide behind your idealistic views of being a child of christ.  I call BS! Prove it by action. Set an example of how an adult can deal with conflict. Don't do it by posting your perception of what has happened because you are called out overstepping your boundaries.

      I'm done crying over these issues. I am choosing to move forward from this experience. My child speaks up for herself when asked questions and tells the truth even if it means getting into trouble. The child acting like she is innocent and making up lies because her feelings got hurt will do the same thing as an adult. Just as not addressing the real issues and seek approval from others on social media while giving half the story. And, to that adult I say, I feel sorry for you. The narrow mindness to think you are above any policy, use politics to let your child get away with a lie that spiraled this drama and shame on you for making false accusations toward people you say are your "family". You're actions don't match what you preach as a woman of God.

     I believe the truth will come out. And, we are accountable to our God for our actions. So if not now, then later and I will not have to say anything. My actions will speak for itself, my history for speaking the truth, acting in the best interest of others and justice. I have clothed the needy, homed the homeless, gave my last dollar to the poor, been a shoulder to the weary, counseled the kids who have no adult figure and cared for the elderly. When someone challenges me to do better I am open to seeing myself from their eyes because I know I am far from perfect. But, I say to you that accuses me of being an unfit parent and my husband capable of hurting a child. If you were so concerned, why is it you had your child sleep over in my home countless times? Why is it now you voice out your concerns, considering the timing of it all  and coincides with your boss talking to you about your actions while at work. Is it a coincidence that my child gets interviewed a few days later? My husband who has raised my oldest child as his own, coached 100s of girls, fought for his country to protect Americans, got injured at war and wakes up at 4 am every morning to provide a home for our family and live in a safe community. And, the consequences of what you started will remain a reflection of your actions. Those accusations are unfounded.

     I am challenging my child to be a leader and not get sucked into the drama of people who won't matter years from now. I challenge her to do right even if she not popular for doing it. To be kind to everyone even if they have wronged her. She is a child, I expect her to make mistakes. And, when she does. I will be there to support and guide her. To teach her to learn from her mistakes and take the consequences of her actions.

    My husband says cut the ties. And regretfully I say I'm done hearing the lies, gossip and I have a higher purpose to raise my kids with honor, integrity and respect..  I am praying to find guidance to help me parent positively. To set an example of humility and respect. I am called to lift up my child so when she falls, I will be there for her. Show tough love when she has done wrong. And, praise her when she has done right. As a parent I have big responsibility. It is the biggest job I will ever have in my lifetime.

Music to my ears

These days organized chaos is just an understatement. Soccer season starting, volleyball is my preteen's choice this year and music is how my baby is coping with her schedule change from the summer.

I recall my parents telling me as a child that I would benefit from music and piano was going channel my inner genius. Dad would always encourage us to be our best. And, say "Are you going to be the first woman president?" And, "Miss Universe"? How about a lawyer?  Talk about setting the bar high. I remember struggling to meet my parents expectations. They got good grades, excelled in their careers and their second career after immigrating to a foreign land. How courageous they were...they forged for their growing family and housed their extended family. And. They rose high. They created a wealth of assets...then as hard as they worked to earn it. They lost it. All of it! By the time my parents were my age, they had 4 children, filed for bankruptcy and lost all their properties. We moved from a quiet suburb neighborhood  and a house with a decent square footage to the heart of the city of Angels. What a culture shock it was for me and my brothers. I had music and drill team... my saving grace. It kept me out of trouble. It kept me focused from my ADD/dyslexic (self diagnosed).

Today is no different. I wake up to listening to music. I play it in the car on the way to school. It is on my drive home and I love to hear my daughter sing. She has a raw talent that I wished I had as a child. My other daughter plays the piano by ear and loves to play without having me nagging her. My newborn responds to my lullabies with my own lyrics. There is a difference in how I parent but this early introduction my parents planted in me is something I have given as a gift to my children.

There are studies of how important  music is to the mental development in newborns and children. But, our education system has failed our children by budget cuts and taking away music programs. If only every child of every socioeconomic  status would have available to them the ability to learn an instrument, sing in a choir, dance and perform in theater, would we have less students bullying or less suicides?  I deduct we would have more confident kids who are willing to focus on strong core values of team work, accountability, and leadership. 

http://m.mic.com/articles/108022/science-just-discovered-something-amazing-about-what-childhood-piano-lessons-did-to-you

There are nonprofits and funding  available to those in need. Here are a few resources in the Los Angeles and Inland Empire areas.

• http://heartofla.org/arts/music
• http://culturela.org/musicla/
• http://fendermuseum.com/

How to be a better human

Be nice! Love one another. Do right. These are common themes I strive for everyday and try to teach my kids. But, darn!!! It is not easy.

Between all the hustle of starting back to school. I take a moment to slow down as the week ends. I am watching. Observing everyone running this race called life. Why are we in such a rush? What is our measurement of success? What drives us to be a better human? I'm not exactly sure. All I know is that I'm accountable for me and my children. But, at a certain point. They become responsible for themselves. How can I help my babies become the adults that I hope they will one day be? Am I good enough of an example of how to be a better human? I hope so. The reality is that my child has a choice and she may not always believe, think, act or say how I would. My teen is no exception. Honestly, sometimes I think I know her well enough to see her intentions but I am clouded with my own biases and may not give her enough credit.

When given an opportunity to see what she would do for her sisters or friends or stranger. I am proud to see her step up. She works hard to help others and be supportive. She shows empathy for the poor and elderly. She smiles at those who lonely. She gives a shoulder to cry on. She works hard to become a better human even when she knows she is not being watched because she believes in doing right and our Lord Savior.

Is this innate or was this learned behavior? Has she transitioned into this young woman because of her experiences or lack thereof? I'd say a combination. When I talk to my husband, he sees the glass empty. He complains about how immature she is and lacks the skills to carry out tasks that will be required in life. That she is coddled and not given enough responsibilities. We can agree to disagree. The demands of children these days are different. Our world is changing by the minute. The latest apps are outdated by trends. Information overload by social media. Our children's generation will have other issues we did not have to deal with. In the end though, we should be nice, do right and love one another. We only get to do this once. This thing called life.

Nature vs. Nuture

There is much debate if we become the person we are today because of nature or nurture. Depends right? Take for example behaviors? Temperament or personalities? If you watch a baby engage in how he/she deals with their basic need for shelter, food and security. What you see? Each child unique to its environment  and innate responses.

My preteen manuvering the challenges of girl drama and self esteem issues. Is it no wonder you see the dynamics of the  groups formed and how they shuffle through the years as girls identify the alpha females. I've  told my girls. Friends will come go. They all have a purpose in your life. Sometimes to teach you a lesson. True friendship is genuine, respects one another, values each other and embraces the differences. The test is sometimes when conflict arises. Are you able to communicate  the issue and come to a resolution or compromise.

Our environment  in which we are raised are our primary examples of how to learn to nuture our relationships. Our parents show conflict resolution  or lack thereof. Is it 100% true? Not always. We can be influenced by other caretakers or adults of influence.

I'd  say from seeing how my kids handle their relationships, I feel like I'm looking at a mirror. They mimicking phrases, body language and temperment. And, I'd day I parent very similar to how I was raised with a touch of craziness. My teen says I am. That I'm overprotective. I take that as a compliment. I want to know and be involved in their lives.

Back to school shopping

Every year in the summer, the girls are excited for back to school shopping. New outfits, school supplies and new teachers.

Change is good! It brings exciting uncertainty of new beginnings. My girls will be starting 6th grade and 8th grade. Which means this is a transitional year. And, I see it. The pre-teen a little more conscious of the body changes and interested in boys. The teen more confident in her friendships and finding her passion in soccer. 

My 11 year old already picking out her own outfits. She wears it with confidence. An ivory crochet shirt with flower joggers from Forever 21, kids collection. Reasonable priced, comfortable to wear and stylish. And, paired with tan sandals from Nordstrom on sale by Steve Madden.

What I will remember this summer is watching the girls mature. They gained a new sister. I've seen them become little mommies, become protective of each and sacrifice their time to take care of me and their sister.

Taking a break from shopping and cooling off with a mango black tea lemonade from Starbucks. My oldest soothing my youngest....truly sister love. 

To will

Creating willingness to do the right thing and help others is such a different way of thinking in this society that is self- centered. Everyone sitting in their bubble of life. Driving past children in school zones not paying attention to the safety of kids. Opportunistic people stealing their neighbors goods that they earned and work hard to get. People shoving people who get their way without manners. I get annoyed. Is this what I have surrounding me and my community. The examples set for my children?

I sat talking to a group of 15-16 year old kids of various ethnicities but with one commonality. Pursuit to be closer to God. At least I thought so, when I asked them why they came no one answered. But, their body language showed they didn't want to be in a class with me. It made me sad at first and then I prayed with them and them with me. So there, I was able to lay seeds in their minds and hearts.

And, my heart resonated when at week 2, they shared more about their daily struggles. I listened to how they deal with pressures of having good grades, living up to expectations of their parents, peer pressure and relationships. It gave me insight on what I have to look forward to. I just need to remember to have open ears for when I need to listen to my kids struggles and cries for help.

Limits

Media, social media, children raising children, peer pressure have become the norm with constant instant gratification. These are some of reasons the Millennium generation feel entitled. I've been warned. I was given the mother's curse when I pushed the limits of my parents patience and rules. But, they were in place for a reason.

So here I am, my oldest pulling the same with me. While, I remember doing it much older in high school and college and maybe I blocked things out. The need for approval by peers. The need for more and MORE. And, not knowing my own limits FOR MYSELF. As a child, our perspective is based on the limited environment our parents provide.

As a parent, my perspective has changed and continues to change the older my children get and I learn to let go of my fears allowing them to fly. This summer I let go and free it to HIM. I have to do what must be done to show the limits she can push which means she will have growing pains. I've warned her about the importance of respect, honesty and integrity.  I've prayed for patience and wisdom.  My heart aches when I have to punish her but I have to remember consistent parenting will mold her to the young woman she is destined to be. One with values.

She will stay the summer with her Dad and Step-Mom. And, it pains me. I had created a schedule of fun, education and quality time. My baby is sad, her Ate will be gone. And, I can't give in. I need to show her tough love. This summer will show her MY limits.

I pray for her and I. That our relationship can overcome this hurdle. That I live through the teen years. It's going to be a bumpy ride.