Change agent

As I sat in the front pews of graduation, I listened to the guest speaker at commencement and heard him share a few words. Don't be a statistic. Be the difference and change your situation through hard work and doing what is right and good. A black man who grew up in Compton by a single mother. Who decided to get higher education and became a senator for the USA. Amazing he can use the work he does to make a change in the community he grew up in. Gratifying to see him coming back to his roots and motivating others to be that change in their own communities. 

This is why I got into the field I work in...I wanted to be a change agent. Let's be honest, I know I can't  reach all my students but if each and every class I reach one person imagine the exponential growth. If that one person impacts one other person's life and so forth, then the change that occurs can be world changing. Isn't  it my responsibility to pay it forward to those that educated me and inspired me to be a better me? I say, YES!!!! There was a day I was told by my first principal that I had the potential to do great. It was in first grade. I never forgot her. Sister Ann Clarita may she rest in peace. She believed in me and saw in me a drive that would carry me through the next 18 years of education.

Sitting next to my colleague who teaches World Religion, we discussed the idea of practicing your beliefs. What do I mean? When you believe in theology, you need to support that belief through actions. For example, if I believe we are to love one another as the 10 commandments says. Then, I need to love everyone. To go a step further that includes those that have wronged me. Why? I believe it therefore I should practice it. I should be that example. I should not boast it but it should just be part of my everyday living so that EVERYONE WHO COMES MY WAY, can see I am a believer. I can be a change agent that I am born and baptized to be. If we are all reminded of this every morning and can see our blessings then change can happen. Our world needs it badly. 

I aspire to this every day. I'm not always successful but what is amazing. Each day I get that much closer. 

 

Raising unprepared children

We want to do better for our kids. Give them opportunities. Have them learn to survive in this fast paced driven society. But, we hurt them. I do it. And, it's hard for me to swallow it because I see how my husband and I work hard. My child feels entitled to the lifestyle we have that our community seems to flaunt on social media. That is not reality folks! What we post is just a glimpse of our lives and a perspective we want to share.

Behind the camera is a story. And,  it's not always pretty. When I look back as I help my daughter prepare a birthday gift for her BFF. The years have flown by. They have history. I see how friends have come and gone in their group. They remain friends and really more like sisters. Able to put each other in check and call each other names like no other person can to one another. They have shared their most intimate secrets of crushes, family issues and goals. I love to see this! What is difficult is seeing as they go through these teenage years, the foundation they have built shaken. And, as a parent, I need to allow my child to navigate through these emotions of change: hormones, new friendships, crushes, jealousy, gossip and self esteem issues while guiding them. There is such a fine line of how much we should be involved. I remember growing up and my Mom was busy to see the everyday operations of the house, so I stepped in as an only girl in the family. My 8th grade year was so hard! I cried when I was bullied. I cry now when I see my child being bullied. What do I do when my child is defending herself and trying to communicate but it falls on deaf ears? My first reaction to fix it. To step in. My child has asked me to let her handle it. What do I do next when I see her handling it and it backfires? Keep my mouth shut? Not address it? I'm torn!

I sit in church with my child. Sitting in silence while I see her wipe her tears. And, it breaks my heart into pieces. So I hold her. I hug her and I reminded my most important job. To be there for her. When she tells me she wants to sleep next to me.

For months, I've brewed with the idea of homeschooling this child of mine who wants to be "included" and find her place among her peers. She has learned from her 1st year in junior high the importance of voice, respect, and kindness. I don't want to paint a picture that my child hasn't done her share. And, I am well aware of it. Especially when she reminds me that I am a "stalker" on social media. I'm just using it as a tool to learn more about my daughter and her peers. Isn't it my job? Aren't I allowed to? I pay for her cell phone. So yes! I don't have to justify it to my child. Just give me your phone when I ask for it.

Am I raising an unprepared child? The world out here is volatile! There are shootings, acts of violence against women and children, religion and greed for money. I use these past few days to discuss the current events and values. Why are we in this current state? There is a struggle between good vs.evil. As humans we go through this struggle on a daily basis. On 9/11 I was reminded how big my responsibility would be to raise this child. And today, 14 years later with the world discussing transgender issues and same sex marriage, I cannot fathom the struggles these children are encountering because there was not this issue when I was growing up.

I step back to gain perspective from the last week and it's been a roller coaster of emotions. I cannot complain. It was been eye opening. What a learning experience it has been and I appreciate the honesty my child has when we get to sit one on one. I am going to count my blessings even when I feel the eye of storm is circling around us. May the good Lord continue to guide my family and I.

Music to my ears

These days organized chaos is just an understatement. Soccer season starting, volleyball is my preteen's choice this year and music is how my baby is coping with her schedule change from the summer.

I recall my parents telling me as a child that I would benefit from music and piano was going channel my inner genius. Dad would always encourage us to be our best. And, say "Are you going to be the first woman president?" And, "Miss Universe"? How about a lawyer?  Talk about setting the bar high. I remember struggling to meet my parents expectations. They got good grades, excelled in their careers and their second career after immigrating to a foreign land. How courageous they were...they forged for their growing family and housed their extended family. And. They rose high. They created a wealth of assets...then as hard as they worked to earn it. They lost it. All of it! By the time my parents were my age, they had 4 children, filed for bankruptcy and lost all their properties. We moved from a quiet suburb neighborhood  and a house with a decent square footage to the heart of the city of Angels. What a culture shock it was for me and my brothers. I had music and drill team... my saving grace. It kept me out of trouble. It kept me focused from my ADD/dyslexic (self diagnosed).

Today is no different. I wake up to listening to music. I play it in the car on the way to school. It is on my drive home and I love to hear my daughter sing. She has a raw talent that I wished I had as a child. My other daughter plays the piano by ear and loves to play without having me nagging her. My newborn responds to my lullabies with my own lyrics. There is a difference in how I parent but this early introduction my parents planted in me is something I have given as a gift to my children.

There are studies of how important  music is to the mental development in newborns and children. But, our education system has failed our children by budget cuts and taking away music programs. If only every child of every socioeconomic  status would have available to them the ability to learn an instrument, sing in a choir, dance and perform in theater, would we have less students bullying or less suicides?  I deduct we would have more confident kids who are willing to focus on strong core values of team work, accountability, and leadership. 

http://m.mic.com/articles/108022/science-just-discovered-something-amazing-about-what-childhood-piano-lessons-did-to-you

There are nonprofits and funding  available to those in need. Here are a few resources in the Los Angeles and Inland Empire areas.

• http://heartofla.org/arts/music
• http://culturela.org/musicla/
• http://fendermuseum.com/

Silence speaks volumes

I'm  talking. I don't  think THEY are listening. I'm frustrated. So I stop. Silence!

OH NOW! I've captured your attention. I'm fuming inside. What's wrong? I stare back. I say nothing. In my mind. WTF! You haven't listened to me, that's what is wrong. I've been engaging in a conversation with myself. Argh!

I have this conversation  in my head at least 2 times a week. It's  tiresome. I'm not being heard. So I withdraw to my zen place. It varies but my default is usually  my phone, a book, my room or music. 

I'm responsible for communicating my message but what do you do when you are tuned out? And, I get resentful because I'm not being heard, understood and I'm tired. 

41 and a new mom. Teen-tude and pre-teen/middle child talks. I'm deaf to their ears. The hubby cranky from traffic. No one's needs are being met. Silence as everyone settles. Everyone walking on pins and needles. ROAR! I YELL! Irritated because I'm sleepy. I'm very much like my newborn. I cry (inside) when I'm tired, hungry or sleepy.

3 hours later...I'm still cranky but I cook in silence. The nap rested my body but I realized I was hungry. And,  dinner is not made. Breastfeeding taking my energy and food necessary to produce milk. So I finish making dinner.

I realize my coping mechanism when I'm stressed and overwhelmed is SILENCE...it frightens my family. They know I'm brewing. They wait for the explosion. I'm about to lose it. And, I say as calm as possible with the little energy I have. "Everyone has their limits! I'm  done!!!! So I decide to sit. Listen to my body and return to the flight response. I'm finding that taking it day by day is all I can do. This mama needs to go to bed before the sun rises and my grind starts again. Saying my prayers thanking for this crazy life of motherhood. It won't last forever.

How to be a better human

Be nice! Love one another. Do right. These are common themes I strive for everyday and try to teach my kids. But, darn!!! It is not easy.

Between all the hustle of starting back to school. I take a moment to slow down as the week ends. I am watching. Observing everyone running this race called life. Why are we in such a rush? What is our measurement of success? What drives us to be a better human? I'm not exactly sure. All I know is that I'm accountable for me and my children. But, at a certain point. They become responsible for themselves. How can I help my babies become the adults that I hope they will one day be? Am I good enough of an example of how to be a better human? I hope so. The reality is that my child has a choice and she may not always believe, think, act or say how I would. My teen is no exception. Honestly, sometimes I think I know her well enough to see her intentions but I am clouded with my own biases and may not give her enough credit.

When given an opportunity to see what she would do for her sisters or friends or stranger. I am proud to see her step up. She works hard to help others and be supportive. She shows empathy for the poor and elderly. She smiles at those who lonely. She gives a shoulder to cry on. She works hard to become a better human even when she knows she is not being watched because she believes in doing right and our Lord Savior.

Is this innate or was this learned behavior? Has she transitioned into this young woman because of her experiences or lack thereof? I'd say a combination. When I talk to my husband, he sees the glass empty. He complains about how immature she is and lacks the skills to carry out tasks that will be required in life. That she is coddled and not given enough responsibilities. We can agree to disagree. The demands of children these days are different. Our world is changing by the minute. The latest apps are outdated by trends. Information overload by social media. Our children's generation will have other issues we did not have to deal with. In the end though, we should be nice, do right and love one another. We only get to do this once. This thing called life.

Nature vs. Nuture

There is much debate if we become the person we are today because of nature or nurture. Depends right? Take for example behaviors? Temperament or personalities? If you watch a baby engage in how he/she deals with their basic need for shelter, food and security. What you see? Each child unique to its environment  and innate responses.

My preteen manuvering the challenges of girl drama and self esteem issues. Is it no wonder you see the dynamics of the  groups formed and how they shuffle through the years as girls identify the alpha females. I've  told my girls. Friends will come go. They all have a purpose in your life. Sometimes to teach you a lesson. True friendship is genuine, respects one another, values each other and embraces the differences. The test is sometimes when conflict arises. Are you able to communicate  the issue and come to a resolution or compromise.

Our environment  in which we are raised are our primary examples of how to learn to nuture our relationships. Our parents show conflict resolution  or lack thereof. Is it 100% true? Not always. We can be influenced by other caretakers or adults of influence.

I'd  say from seeing how my kids handle their relationships, I feel like I'm looking at a mirror. They mimicking phrases, body language and temperment. And, I'd day I parent very similar to how I was raised with a touch of craziness. My teen says I am. That I'm overprotective. I take that as a compliment. I want to know and be involved in their lives.

Inside out

Have you seen the movie inside out? If you have children, it's a cute movie to see how our early experiences in life help create our memories and feelings in long term and short term memory bank.

When I look back at the memories of my own childhood, I remember glimpses of our summer days. The ones that truly stick out are the endless days of running the streets of my neighborhood in the suburb of Los Angeles. Walking to our local 7-11 convenience store and taking the bus to now the non existent Gemco.  Our family vacations consisted of road trips to Seattle, San Francisco and Calgary to visit family. We didn't have much growing up with 4 kids and going to private school  but my parents worked hard to give us the necessities and some awesome road trips. 

I'm always curious to see what sticks out in my children's  memories. The talks we had this summer were about the camping trips we took with family friends, family vacations, weekend getaways and day trips along with their funny moments during those times.

For a few years now, we have had a beach bash to end the summer and get ready  for the new school year. What a day it was! From watching a Segall swooping in the ocean to catch a fish to having my heart jump out when my child was not within eye sight for 45 minutes. There were in between sweet moments of finding sand dollars, watching the 1 year old playing the sand which are etched in my mind while I watched the sunset.