Step forward

As my oldest is getting ready to promote I feel mixed emotions and I am not the only one. My children are exhibiting behaviors that are not normal. I have an unstable tween and nine year who acts like a 20 year old. Both feeling the anxiety of moving on to the next school year.

I laugh because I can barely recall how I behaved at home. But, I am sure I've blocked out all the girl drama, my highs and lows as a teen and the friction it caused as a result of my behavior.

I laugh even louder when I look back at how much my older kid is like me. She had a meltdown. Not once but 3 times. Here's the kicker at Disneyland of all places! The happiest place on earth!!! Wow, if that's an indication of how I look. Good grief...I need to hug my husband. He tolerates my shenanigans well. And, I should hug him harder because there are 3 girls in my home. Haha, I pray he has more hair by the time the girls finish high school. Poor thing!

But, I have to be thankful we were in the public. Otherwise, she would have heard a mouthfull from me. And, even more thankful her Godmother was there. Her words resonated in my mind that night. "Don't let things get in the way of having a great time"! Brilliant concept.

It didn't quite sink in right away but as the day progressed it got better. The kids got to ride what they were hoping to get on. Malfunction fixed!

This same child getting ready to promote is going through so much change inside and out. She looks like a different child from one year ago. And, when I see her I have to remember her age. Her brain is still processing how to deal with stepping forward. How is she coping with a big transition? With mixed emotions: anxiety, sadness, anger, joy. And, hence the meltdown!!!!

I love that she can communicate with me feelings and that she is passionate about what she loves. Including the people she surrounds herself with...and I see bonds developing over time. I pray that these girls step forward with courage and vigilance.

Flexing

I want structure and I need it. I want to teach this to my children. It makes me feel like I have things in control. But, I know I'm not. I can plan, schedule, coordinate and reschedule but life happens. Sometimes, things don't work out as you imagine or want. And, FLEXIBILITY is key.

How do I teach this? Not by what I tell them but by my actions. I can lead by example. How do I react when my plans don't go as planned? The people in my immediate environment are watching. My kids, students, subordinates or colleagues. I am hoping by this example, I am helping to create change.

I decide internally without consciousness to make plans this weekend as our plans fall through. And, to my surprise, exceeded my expectations. All the while  creating memorable moments. I am thankful my beloved was flexible along the way. It is something he is adjusting to even though we have been together over 10 years.

Patching up open wounds

There are times when you cannot control the disappointments that will come into your child's life. They stop being friends with their best friend. They don't get picked for the talent show. And, when this happens, you stand by their side, support them so they can stand back up and dust their legs off. I'd like to tell them it gets better but it doesn't.  Life is full of unexpected turns and it isn't always fair. But, it is how we react to our circumstances that define the person we become.

I was prepared to hear bad news when my child got the news she didn't make the cut for a program at school. I was expecting her to be crushed and hysterical. Much to my surprise,  she was upset but got over it in less than 24 hours. She identified a back up plan. It was a proud Mommy moment. My child maturing into a young tween. Able to cope with life's disappointments. This showed me how I am raising a strong young woman.

In patching up her wound, she was able to console her best friend and be a shoulder to cry on. It made me cry seeing them lean on each other. Grateful they have each other. Not just today but as they journey through the start of junior high. They are ready. Hand in hand. I see good things in their future...the world an open sea to explore.

Transformation

It's amazing to see what can happen in 8 months. So much can change in such a short amount of time. Lives can be transformed from one event. And, life can be taken in a day. It is a reminder that we are on borrowed time. We are given a blessing each day we wake up.




As a look around at the daily tasks that have to be done everyday, I am reminded the little tasks are important. What if those tasks were not completed? There would be an accumulation. Sometimes, I get frustrated because I don't see progress in thetasks that I do. The menial tasks such as dishes, laundry, organizing the house and it's because they never end. As long as we are living, we need to maintain them. Otherwise, it will accumulate and become an unbearable task to start or complete.



As the kids get older, I am trying to teach by example the important of regular maintence. I equate this to everything in life: hygiene, cleaning your environment, spiritual life, physical health, etc. If only it was so easy to balance all of this in our lives when we get thrown something in our schedules. It never seems to fail, a child gets sick and throws your schedule out the door. But, what I am thankful for is the chance to redo each day again. Learn from the last day. Get a chance to renew my spirit, mind and body and show thanks to be able to "maintain" my life and the household.

My kids are transforming into more independent young adults. And, as those menial tasks will disappear, my husband and I will be left with transforming our life as an empty nesters. God willing. My schedule does not always equate to God's plan. And, I say this as I am reminded by a death of a family friend who was taken too soon from this earth and left a young family. It brings a reminder that I should relish these days and live in moment. Enjoy the moments of having my oldest ask me to come and spend time with her, lay on my lap or ask me to shop with her at the mall. There will come a day, she will ask that I not come. And, it breaks my heart because I know it's right around the corner. And, I mourn for the child that lost her mother, who will not be able to take her shopping for a prom dress and see her off to college. I am changing my thoughts of having expectations to have all the tasks done and expecting the house clean like you see in the movies. I will transform my life to priortize what type of legacy I leave behind. Which are the values of time spent with my family, enjoying the present and creating balance. And, doing so without any expectations of receiving it back. Giving it whole heartedly. Hoping I said and showed them that what matters is my loved ones. Helping others as God commanded me. And, using my talents to praise his name.

Frozen

Stillness. I am enjoying being in my thoughts before the girls get out of school. Then the craziness of our afterschool schedule begins. Frozen in this quiet stare of the gorgeous sky. I am at peace with sitting alone in the car. There was a time, I needed to fill my time with busy work and conversations with others. These days, I look for as much quiet time.

Fifteen minutes later, Mommy mode kicks in and I'm ready for the week. Luckily the snacks in the car come in handy and we head to the local library for a project that my child fails to mention (I had to have a conversation about being responsible to plan ahead).The girls ravish the snacks. Always hungry after school. Hearing about their day from school and share the newest news. I love these moments when the kids share their day without me having to probe them. These are times that I like to keep frozen in my mind. Hearing the conversations of the girls and there's no arguements or fighting.

Capturing a glimpse of the everyday moments that I am thankful for and wishing they wouldn't pass by so quickly. Both babes of mine and born to my friends are blooming into these lovely ladies. Our future. I have the  opportunity to see them grow and help mold them to be the responsible adults.

Quality over Quantity

We are led to believe that more is better? This is a false promise. With supersized meals, monster cars, bigger homes, higher salaries. And, at what price? I am leaning toward quality over quantity. Friendships with depth. Family first and nuturing those relationships. Creating memories everyday. Finding the quality in each day even if it doesn't play out how you imagined.

Quiet moments

I've been enjoying the quiet moments of the day. When the kids are still asleep and I can lay in bed. Thinking about the upcoming  day and saying my gratitudes for all that I have to look forward to. There are moments during the day when I get overwhelmed with all the duties of teaching, managing a household, mothering and maintaining balance in our household. A recent conversation with my husband was enlightening because he said acknowledged the order in house is because of me. I was thankful he recognized and validated what I do because all too many times, I generally feel I am inadequate since tasks get undone. My mind always in a flurry and testy tempers flare when the household when overwhelmed with projects, extracurricular activities and school work.

I asked my oldest daughter one saturday morning if she was happy and what I could do to help her get to that happy place. She and I have been butting heads on a daily basis. She couldn't answer my question be she was unsure and caught off guard. We had just argued about a hairstyle. Both of us tired from the week and not getting enough sleep. It's not an excuse but a reality. My child is so much like me. She is driven, wanting each situation, outfit, hairstyle, grades...to be perfect. How did she become like this? Anxious little girl that stresses over minute things. It probably me setting the tone and her watching me over the years.So, I am going to practice what I preach in class. Stress management.  Balancing physical, emotional, environmental and intellectual health.

I will schedule less, not overbook, create space to breathe, work smart, work less and enjoy the present. Not allow others to annoy me who won't matter years from now. Choose quality time with my family and friends. Nuture the relationships that are raw and real. Where I can share my emotions without feeling judged or fear of revealing my inner most thoughts. I am learning to be comfortable with letting go of things and people that have runned their course in my life. The experiences in my my life and the poelle have come into it have taught me well about myself. What I value. And, sometimes things don't play out as planned. It worked out and helped shaped my perspective. Grateful for those who taught me life's lessons, those who have held my hand, cried with me, and shared my triumphs.

I am enjoying these days. Thankful for the changes happening,  transitions in our home and seeing my family evolve. The roots spreading and seeing the foundation my parents gave me being passed down.