How much is enough?

I'm having difficulty identifying my balance. It's constantly changing based on my life events. Tides are shifting. My needs and wants are in conflict. I have these goals that I want to attain and I am inpatient. I want results and expect them. How much is cosidered healthy and balanced? I guess I define it. And, how do I draw a conclusion from it. Better living. Working at sustaining happiness. How is this achieved? By lowering my expectations, allowing myself to patient with me, creating healthy dialogue, finding new opportunities and setting goals. I can achieve balance through an artful measure. I can identify steps of action. Reassess those steps to make sure they are achieving my goal. Do it everyday. Live it and set reminders. Give myself rewards. Surround myself around positive people who can help me become balanced. 

With change comes growth. It requires perseverance and patience. We won't attain it if we stop. In the end, I benefit. If I am whole, I can be a better person and make a difference.
I asked my 10 year old if its better to be happy or better to comfortable with what you have. She said if I can't be both. Then, I choose happiness. I see her maturity in her eyes and words. She looks me straight in the eye and tells me. I want you to feel happy. 

I reflect on what has happened in the last year. Pressures on managing a household, starting a new business and starting a new lifestyle has been manageble. What I pray for is guidance on determining balance without continuing to neglect myself. I am worthy of being taken care of. I should always keep that in mind. If respect myself, my temple. 

Containment

I've just believe that naysayers are the way they are because they feel insecure or they are jealous. What if these naysayers are the ones you live with in the same home? What do you do then? I grew up with a naysayer. I married one. I have child who doesn't even hear my question and on auto pilot says "no". I am a "yes" person. I say yes, too much. I paint a green picture for most things until it gets painted red. I believe to give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm told I live in lala land. And, if I do, is that bad? Is that how I cope with stress. This helps find solutions and think outside the box.
A girlfriend told me look around you. There is always a balance. For every situation you see a balance. When I pondered about what she said, its true. I married my opposite. In every sense. And, when he and I talk. He says we have nothing in common. But, I disagree. We do because how were we able to find conversation pieces for 10 years and not have a common place. I think now we are so comfortable in our relationship we "expect the other person to be like us". And, what happens next is almost like a hurricane. It sweeps you over and shakes the living life out of you.
What do I do next? How can I compromise? Who is right? Well, I can answer the last question. Me!! LOL!! I am always right. My husband retorts. I rebut, Yes honey you were right. In my head, "I told you I was right." I choose my battles. But, my husband's perspective is much different. He processes things systematically. Almost like a machine. There is no room for errors or operating outside of the standard. What did I expect, he's prior military. He's disciplined in many more ways than I am. He can withstand my yelling and ranting. He can go a thousand miles in the same pair of shoes. He can eat same kind of turkey sandwich everyday for 10 years. He can go 4 hours of sleep and drive 100 miles everyday for 15 years. And, lives it everyday like ground hogs day.
This is how I compromise. I greet him with a smile. If I'm tired I lay down next to him. I write him cute notes and be silly. If you saw us. You wouldn't understand why we are together. I am the chatter box. He is the quiet one mad dogging anyone who looks at me or my daughters. The protective one. I tell him he is my "bulldog". He looks like he'd tear you to pieces and rip your heart out if you pet him. But, if you come face up staring at his eyes and show your hands. He will roll over and drool. Literally!! Haha...no not literally. He does giggle like a girl. Whines more about affection and "Huggie Wuggies" than any other man. When I pet him...ooops caress him. He does soften up. He says that I mess with his head and could get anything out of him. There is some truth to what he says. I've seen him go to the moon and back for his family. And, to this I am glad. He is not contained. He has overflowed my expectations when I least expected. He has opened up our home to friends and family in need. He has cooked, cleaned and bathed me when I was unable to physically. And his heart has engulfed my baby girl that I sometimes forget he missed her first 3 years of life. I am blessed to have my beloved. The container and all!!

Sunsets

What I love about the end of the day are sunsets. We can reflect on the day. We can appreciate the beautiful colors that paint the sky. I love a walk in the evening. It reminds me of the infinite love God for us. We aren't promised another day. But, if we are lucky we get another chance the next day to thank God for our blessings.

I have been working on 1000 gifts. The decision was based on my current state of complaining. Unhappy with my weight, my home, my children's tantrums, my whining husband about finances and hearing myself whine to the point of exhaustion. All the time!

I've had this journal my older brother got me 2 years ago and not surprising I didn't write in it. I don't take time to relax and meditate. I wake and immediately think of my endless list of tasks. And, check my email. And, it's distracting me from starting my day off right. I've made a commitment to myself  for my 40th birthday to start new things. I want to reinvent every aspect in my life. I have begun steps in the last 2 weeks. I've started exercising again regularly. I've purchased healthier foods. Created more meals at home. Balanced my chi with meditation each day. And, what a difference it has made.

I am a nicer person because of these changes. I'm not where I'm exactly hoping to be. But, I've stopped  or least complained less. I have acted  toward my goals. I've accomplished more. I've recruited others to so the same. And, I am hoping this sticks. My calendar is a daily reminder. I just can't "dismiss" the reminders. 

This is a glimpse of my sun-sets!!

Highlights

Highlights are generally glimpses of a story. It gives a sense of what has occured to the reader. I think pictures provide highlights of someone's life.

A journal can do the same as well. It's been a month of cleansing for me and my family. New beginnings with transitions in our home. How well we deal with them is a different story. It's been quite bumpy for us. In fact, extremely bumpy. We have had emotional ups and downs. Life doesn't always provide you the outcomes we expect. In fact, it can be cruel. Down right. People will talk behind your back, stab you in the back and act like your not important.  And, it could be the closest to you. The one you least expect.

And, what do you do and how do you react? I guess it all depends on the specific situation. But, for me I get stuck on principal. Treat others with RESPECT, LOVE and EQUALITY. I walk into Barnes and Noble... why is it we can be courteous to strangers? But, hardest to treat the ones close to us with that same courtesy? Mind blowing.

I am mindful to watch my tongue. Be patient with my little ones and use appropriate language. The battle is something I work toward on a daily basis.

What I have learned is that I let others create a reaction from me. And, I need to let things go. I can find ways to de-stress. I can restore my happy place. I can chose my attitude. And, I can be content to "be". I know with this year starting my 4th decade, I am more comfortable to share my thoughts, insist my ways but I also more confident and more willing to improve my well being. All aspects of it: physical, intellectual, environmental, social and spiritual.

Here is to creating highlights that are positive the rest of the summer. I want to see the reds and gold when I walk in the sun.