How to be a better human

Be nice! Love one another. Do right. These are common themes I strive for everyday and try to teach my kids. But, darn!!! It is not easy.

Between all the hustle of starting back to school. I take a moment to slow down as the week ends. I am watching. Observing everyone running this race called life. Why are we in such a rush? What is our measurement of success? What drives us to be a better human? I'm not exactly sure. All I know is that I'm accountable for me and my children. But, at a certain point. They become responsible for themselves. How can I help my babies become the adults that I hope they will one day be? Am I good enough of an example of how to be a better human? I hope so. The reality is that my child has a choice and she may not always believe, think, act or say how I would. My teen is no exception. Honestly, sometimes I think I know her well enough to see her intentions but I am clouded with my own biases and may not give her enough credit.

When given an opportunity to see what she would do for her sisters or friends or stranger. I am proud to see her step up. She works hard to help others and be supportive. She shows empathy for the poor and elderly. She smiles at those who lonely. She gives a shoulder to cry on. She works hard to become a better human even when she knows she is not being watched because she believes in doing right and our Lord Savior.

Is this innate or was this learned behavior? Has she transitioned into this young woman because of her experiences or lack thereof? I'd say a combination. When I talk to my husband, he sees the glass empty. He complains about how immature she is and lacks the skills to carry out tasks that will be required in life. That she is coddled and not given enough responsibilities. We can agree to disagree. The demands of children these days are different. Our world is changing by the minute. The latest apps are outdated by trends. Information overload by social media. Our children's generation will have other issues we did not have to deal with. In the end though, we should be nice, do right and love one another. We only get to do this once. This thing called life.

Nature vs. Nuture

There is much debate if we become the person we are today because of nature or nurture. Depends right? Take for example behaviors? Temperament or personalities? If you watch a baby engage in how he/she deals with their basic need for shelter, food and security. What you see? Each child unique to its environment  and innate responses.

My preteen manuvering the challenges of girl drama and self esteem issues. Is it no wonder you see the dynamics of the  groups formed and how they shuffle through the years as girls identify the alpha females. I've  told my girls. Friends will come go. They all have a purpose in your life. Sometimes to teach you a lesson. True friendship is genuine, respects one another, values each other and embraces the differences. The test is sometimes when conflict arises. Are you able to communicate  the issue and come to a resolution or compromise.

Our environment  in which we are raised are our primary examples of how to learn to nuture our relationships. Our parents show conflict resolution  or lack thereof. Is it 100% true? Not always. We can be influenced by other caretakers or adults of influence.

I'd  say from seeing how my kids handle their relationships, I feel like I'm looking at a mirror. They mimicking phrases, body language and temperment. And, I'd day I parent very similar to how I was raised with a touch of craziness. My teen says I am. That I'm overprotective. I take that as a compliment. I want to know and be involved in their lives.

Inside out

Have you seen the movie inside out? If you have children, it's a cute movie to see how our early experiences in life help create our memories and feelings in long term and short term memory bank.

When I look back at the memories of my own childhood, I remember glimpses of our summer days. The ones that truly stick out are the endless days of running the streets of my neighborhood in the suburb of Los Angeles. Walking to our local 7-11 convenience store and taking the bus to now the non existent Gemco.  Our family vacations consisted of road trips to Seattle, San Francisco and Calgary to visit family. We didn't have much growing up with 4 kids and going to private school  but my parents worked hard to give us the necessities and some awesome road trips. 

I'm always curious to see what sticks out in my children's  memories. The talks we had this summer were about the camping trips we took with family friends, family vacations, weekend getaways and day trips along with their funny moments during those times.

For a few years now, we have had a beach bash to end the summer and get ready  for the new school year. What a day it was! From watching a Segall swooping in the ocean to catch a fish to having my heart jump out when my child was not within eye sight for 45 minutes. There were in between sweet moments of finding sand dollars, watching the 1 year old playing the sand which are etched in my mind while I watched the sunset.

Back to school shopping

Every year in the summer, the girls are excited for back to school shopping. New outfits, school supplies and new teachers.

Change is good! It brings exciting uncertainty of new beginnings. My girls will be starting 6th grade and 8th grade. Which means this is a transitional year. And, I see it. The pre-teen a little more conscious of the body changes and interested in boys. The teen more confident in her friendships and finding her passion in soccer. 

My 11 year old already picking out her own outfits. She wears it with confidence. An ivory crochet shirt with flower joggers from Forever 21, kids collection. Reasonable priced, comfortable to wear and stylish. And, paired with tan sandals from Nordstrom on sale by Steve Madden.

What I will remember this summer is watching the girls mature. They gained a new sister. I've seen them become little mommies, become protective of each and sacrifice their time to take care of me and their sister.

Taking a break from shopping and cooling off with a mango black tea lemonade from Starbucks. My oldest soothing my youngest....truly sister love. 

Oh Baby!

It's been months since I last blogged. I had unfinished drafts because so much has happened. Oh boy!  Life has taken a turn. I am now a mother of 3 girls. Never in my wildest dreams after all my health issues over the last 8 years would I have another child. Let alone healthy.

And, so I introduce Baby Cakes...just kidding BABY CAIRA NATALIE LOMELI. And, she has been such a blessing to our family and friends. She has been welcomed and showered with so much love. Literally! It is so mind blowing how much a baby can transform so many lives. How in the midst of mourning the loss of my Grandma, this tiny life breathes new life into our own.

I was afraid to tell my older girls and my family when I was pregnant because I wasn't sure if they would be happy. And, my girls' first reaction was less than pleasant. They were MAD as heck! I was told that I ruined their lives. That I couldn't possibly handle 3 kids (my mom). And,  as talked it out with them later after their initial shock. Their anger was really fear. It was based on my health issues and would this pregnancy cause further health issues or possibly have health issues because of my thyroid cancer? So I prayed with them. Prayed that my
 baby would be healthy. Prayed that my body could provide a healthy enough environment to carry to full term.

And, here she is...healthy! Carried to full term. Did I have complications? Yes! But, it reminded me that I had to slow down and take care of my baby and myself.

She is now 7 weeks old and we have had some hiccups along the way. No one tells you when you are  over 40 having a baby takes you so much longer to recover. The post partum depression is no joke. And, your energy level and is lower your pains are heightened. Managing three kids is chaotic. Making sure everyone's needs are met. Whether they are 13 yrs, 11 yrs or 1 1/2 months. It has been difficult to balance it all. But, we have gotten through it. And, we are still smiling. Might have some bags to show for the lack of sleep.

I'm learning. To take one day at a time. Count myself blessed. As difficult as it is to be lacking sleep. She is growing leaps and bounds. I found these new sets of moms on social media who share the everyday twinnings of motherhood. Mama say it does not last forever. So cherish the present. And, so far I AM!!

Changing tides

Life has a way of changing tides. I am learning to ride the waves. I am now a mother of 3. It's been over 10 years since I've had a newborn. The memories I had of taking care of a newborn was clouded with bits of pieces missing. The blur of being home the first week is broken into large chunks that consist of lack of sleep,  ways to fit in necessities such as food and showers. My saving grace are my support system. My mother, mother in law, my two older girls and girlfriends. My husband on the other hand has taken a back seat until I had a hormonal breakdown. It is easy for me to expect him to know what to do when to do it but I am not good at communicating my needs. And, as a man, I can't expect him to know what I want. So this first weekend, I told him and not in the nicest of ways. He tries poor thing but I cannot expect anything let alone have him do things the way I do them. This is learning lesson for to communicate consistently, forgive and forget, gratefulness and humility.

I got schooled by my Mom and Mother in law to tell people when I need help. That it is OK. And, watching them teach my older daughter old school skills and our culture is priceless. I remember a time when I could do it all. My way was the best way and getting help was for the weak. Little did I know then. Most of the stress I caused myself. Seeing my two girls mature and become responsible young women tells me they are more capable then the credit I give them. These changing tides require me to let them ride the waves and learn from their own experiences.

Springs into life

It's been awhile since I blogged. And, so much has taken my time with mothering, working with Autistic kids and teaching. I am now 7 months pregnant with my 3rd child. Having a kid in your 40s is no joke. There are pains I didn't have when I was pregnant in my 20s and 30s. But, this experience is wholly different. I am learning to slow things down and appreciate down time. The relationships I nurture are the quality ones. I'm not so much in a hurry to keep myself busy although having two kids playing travel soccer is busy just by itself.

I have taken to enjoying quality time at home. Nesting has taken place. Reading to calm me down. Listening to my body to rest and allow myself to take naps without feeling guilty. Just a year ago life as I viewed it was different. I had to fill my time with business and busyness.