Parody of life

All the money on this earth couldn't fix all the problems. And, the sheer fact that people have an inherent desire to supplement their lives with material goods to bring fulfillment. This is sad. I see this around me. The trips, gadgets, cars are just temporary fixes to the loneliness they feel inside.

My girls made comment about how sad it was to see these people and made a bold statement about what creates happiness. How insightful of my 10 year old to share her thoughts.

So it made me think of why I work so hard and to show the girls that creating a career with financial stability is important. We want options in life to do the things we enjoy. We need to provide the basic necessities. Where do we draw the line? When it becomes excessive?

We read this book this month about how a father prepares a legacy for his only child. Creating an option for this adult child. I prepare for this as I look at all that I have accomplished and attained in assets. It's to leave behind a legacy for my kids and their kids. To create opportunities to have quality time with them. To make memories alongside them. I sacrifice the material things I once dreamed of. The custom made home, exotic car, world class travel and substitute it for being a wife and mom. A teacher at a mediocre salary considering I have post baccalaureate education. I'm ok with it. I share everday moments such as first days of school, stories about puppy love, friendships formed, and disappointing moments. I've got a limited amount of years. And, before I know it my oldest will be going off to college. I am gonna soak this in. The days they want to snuggle in bed, ask to walk with them and the big bear hugs in public.

Getting Oily

As flu season approaches, I am using preventative methods such as young essential oils:
-thieves for boosting immune system
-lavender for assisting with sleep
-panaway for helping with my asthma

I've had to many health issues and don't want to compromise my health more. My kids are more at risk because of my health history.
I'm teaching them about healthy choices. Sprouts and Trader Joes have been our frequent store to stop by. Fresh fruits and vegetables are staples. Increasing our water intake.

I've just need to watch my caffeine intake and late night munchies. Not just because of my dress size because my metabolism is slowing with 4th decade coming straight on.

I've replenished with paraben free, zinc free and alcohol  free toiletries such as Toms toothpaste, Younique makeup, homemade soaps and cleaners. Why? There is a correlation between toxicity of absorbed chemicals through the skin and gums over time with increased cancer rates.

If anything minimizing my risk for a secondary cancer and reducing the risk for my family. There is enough pollution and poor air quality that affects our health.

Changing habits one day at a time!

To will

Creating willingness to do the right thing and help others is such a different way of thinking in this society that is self- centered. Everyone sitting in their bubble of life. Driving past children in school zones not paying attention to the safety of kids. Opportunistic people stealing their neighbors goods that they earned and work hard to get. People shoving people who get their way without manners. I get annoyed. Is this what I have surrounding me and my community. The examples set for my children?

I sat talking to a group of 15-16 year old kids of various ethnicities but with one commonality. Pursuit to be closer to God. At least I thought so, when I asked them why they came no one answered. But, their body language showed they didn't want to be in a class with me. It made me sad at first and then I prayed with them and them with me. So there, I was able to lay seeds in their minds and hearts.

And, my heart resonated when at week 2, they shared more about their daily struggles. I listened to how they deal with pressures of having good grades, living up to expectations of their parents, peer pressure and relationships. It gave me insight on what I have to look forward to. I just need to remember to have open ears for when I need to listen to my kids struggles and cries for help.

Rescued

We teach our children skills to help them cope with life. But, we can't rescue them from life's disappointments, grief or failures. In fact, we need to teach them to deal with those moments. To show them by example how to plow through those moments.

I wish I could be rescued. I want to escape and fast forward through these moments when the unforseenable is your reality. And, it BITES!!! I am miserable! I am cranky, tired and just sick up playing catch up everyday. Will it ever end? Yes, I suppose when life ceases.

I sat in a local coffee house because I threw a tantrum. I was boycotting my family. And, as I sat in front of my laptop. I felt silly. I got news about my sister friend who is battling cancer. Then, got a text about a family friend who passed. In as much, I think my problems are exhaustive. There are those who are battling far worse problems.

I tried to imagine what it would be like to lose a parent as I said a prayer for my family friend. And, it saddened me. So much, I cried. Because my parents are at that age. They are temperamental. They are mad at me for losing my temper and not agreeing with my vocabulary.

I'm just at a stage in my life that I dont take crap from anyone. I'm too old for it. I know how I wanted to be lived, valued and respected. And, I'm choosing who I want in my circle. I have been rescued many times. And, every time, I stood there I could see who was next to me. Over the years, my friends have come and gone. Family differences have divided us.

Am I suppose to rescue all my relationships? Nope. It's a two way street. Everyone has to put in effort. It's called nurturing each relationship and fostering good will.

And, we are to be God's salts on earth. Flavoring of God and spreading his good will. 

Matthew 5:13

Creating Positivity

One of my best friends challenged me to list 3 positive things each for 5 consecutive days and nominate 3 people each day. What I learned is that the things I thought I would list as blessings were not listed and I am blessed beyond measure. For example: I have so many things I wanted to list that I had to prioritize them.

I did it the same day she challenged me. And, what I loved was seeing who I nominated do this same positivity challenge. There are so many things in this life that go sour and we have trials and hurdle that delay our journey. But, if we focused on those hurdles then we miss the chance to enjoy a slower pace and watching the beauty that lies within our surrounding.

In class tonight, I was extremely caught out of guard when several students told me how I changed their life for the better. One student who is morbidly obese  was recently diagnosed with diabetes who has started  exercising with her husband 3 times a week. She validated what I do. She made all the late night grading papers and prepping for class worthwhile. I've always wanted to impact my student's lives but it is rare I get immediate feedback before my class ends.

This was a rough week with battling a respiratory infection and teaching a full load. Thank goodness for these positive moments in my chaotic life that reminds me of the blessings in my life. Especially, when I'm thrown into a new routine as I transition into a system for grading. I am thankful for doing something I love and am proud to do.

Gravity pulls

Each morning I get this nudge right before I get up. It isn't a physical nudge but rather an internal nudge reminding me to be mindful. I start with the silent prayer giving thanks for a new day. It has been a part of my daily routine because of a planted seed. My mother emulated this habit everyday. I watched her say her rosary each morning before work. She always told me she prayed for our family, her patients, peace of the world and I never really grasped the importance of what she did. I thank her for setting such a great example.
Being centered each morning helps me go through the day. It reminds me of the very
purpose I have in my lifetime. I need to set an example for my spawn.
It wasn't until I really sat and listened to their prayers did I see the seeds were growing roots within my children. This made me smile and warmed my heart. So much. It made me cry. When my baby asked me what was wrong. I told her they were tears of joy. 

Labor of love

I've been mad, tired and emotionally exhausted from the first week of school. Not only for me but my kids as well. And, in the line of fire is my husband hearing my rants.
It didn't start out that way in the first morning of the week. I was caressing my kids awake and singing. The second day a whole new experience. I couldn't help but reach out to the fellow moms. I know it wasn't just me.
And, when we discussed the funny stories of the week and epic mommy fails. I was reassured that I was not alone in my journey of raising a teen and a tween.
Oh, how appropriate that we have a holiday right after our first week of school. We have been exhausted to the point where our head hits the pillow and we don't know what time our slumber began. During the grind of the errands, back to school schedule and extracurricular activities. I was reminded to slow down. Not only by God in silent prayer BUT  in HIS home. And, I am thankful to get an extra day to rest. Eat breakfast with my husband and kids. Enjoy a clean home and watch Netflix movies after a weekend of soccer games. It is in this labor of love that I am taught patience for accepting and bearing my cross. The daily grind is what gives us pain but also gives us perspective in our growth. It's appreciation for little miracles that we are reminded to be responsible for our happiness and peace of mind.  And, when it becomes unbearable, we ask for help. From our father who walks in our path and sometimes carries up when we can't walk.
This weekend, I was reminded of the man, God brought into my life when I prayed for a life partner who would love me unconditionally and my daughter like his own. It was when I saw him carry my baby, all 106 lbs of her, around the parking lot when we had dinner that I was reminded of my prayer answered. How this man, I was blessed to have give his love not of his own biological form but from a labor of love. Which was planted she was 2 1/2 years old and gave him the name "Dabas". My heart melts and will always every time he eases her pain. She was tired from 4 soccer games in one day in 102 degrees. Someone once called him a "gruff bear". And, it was on point. He talks curt and short but when you unravel his layers. He's just a plush bear. Huggable and kissable. To my labor of love, I will continue to make your turkey, cheese and avocado sandwiches because you allow me to be the best Mom I could ever be by being present in our children's lives.

Happiness is a choice

When the tides shift of summer vacation  and the stress of a new school year starting brings on stressors. I was recently given a letter from my daughter about not understanding her pressures and emotional roller coasters. I was amazed by her ability to share her feelings and be vulnerable to share them with me. She is that comfortable to open up to me. And, for that I'm thankful. The times when she shares her frustration and starts yelling from not being able to cope with life events. I laugh to myself. This is ME!!! When I get overwhelmed, I yell and get mad. Oh what have taught my soon to be teen? When I am mad. My family knows it and they suffer my wrath.
I've decided, I can change. I can choose to be happy. Everyday. Even when I have 2 cranky tweens. An overworked hubby and coach. I can create a space of peace in my home to remind myself that there are little blessings that happen even under the messy house, stocked pile laundry and sinkful of dishes.
The issues of today are miniscule in the big picture of my life. I am not defined by my job, how clean/organized my house may be and having a rock hard body.
In my class last week, all my students talked about their stressors and how it affects their health. Physical demands of having a family, financial impact it takes on the parents and emotional triggers from relationships. This is universal. What makes me thankful, is that I am reminded once again that I am lucky to have these stressors. I am blesses to be the kind of mother I want to be. Love educating others and inspiring them to make an improved version of "them".
I choose to be happy. Life is too short to be complacent with others who don't share your core values. And, I can't please everyone. I can only be the best version of me everyday!

Why you gotta be so rude?

I'm completely singing the song Rude in my head by MAGIC. And, I laugh because my cousin dedicated it to her husband. Apparently, their 20 year old got engaged and Dad wasn't nice to the young man that asked for permission to marry his daughter (Lol). There's always a story behind someone's actions.

There was an incident that occurred to me and my daughter where in an older woman was completely rude to my daughter at the community we live in. And, I was so upset that I had to approach this woman. She was on her high horse that my child was not following rules. And, my response to her was she didn't have to be rude about it. She disagreed. So, I naturally did when someone tries to attack my cub. I go into Mama bear mode. And, I suggest to her that she could be a better example to children. This pear shaped lady is obviously unhappy and has to transfer her hate toward my child. It was also obvious she was racist because of remark when I walked away.
We breed racism and hatred in homes. It is a learned behavior and not genetic. For example: Watch a small child play with another child. They don't judge another child based on their color, eyes, hair color or body shape. I used this as a teachable moment for my kids.

Our behavior inside and outside of the home is a reflection of us. We are taught by Christ to step back when we are emotional and act in the name of Christ. I pray for this lady. Who needs it. She preys on a child to make herself feel better. It is in forgiveness we are resurrected. It is showing my child that I will protector her as long as I am alive. I am her Mama Bear!

Against the current

I'm not of this generation. And, I'm glad I am not. I was brought in a different world. There was value in life, respect for the elder and compassion for humanity. I feel a heavy burden for this new generation being brought into this world of materialism and violence.
The news is depressing. I remember being 6 months pregnant with my oldest when 9-11 occured live. I felt like I was in a movie. And, I prayed to my Almighty savior because I knew my child was up against a current. The values that I was brought up in was something I would share with my unborn child. And, now I see with more fervent belief what a necessity it will become for her as she starts junior high.
I am shocked by the stories I hear of how kids these days behave and yet not surprised. How is it possible that we have the expectation that our children behave responsible, respectfully and honorably if they are not taught these positive traits early in life? Don't we as a society owe it to the children to be better examples? And, I say yes!!!! Not just for our children and our children's children.
Be mindful of your thoughts which turn into your words which then lead to your actions. It is a challenge I ask of each one of you. Everyday! Catch yourself thinking positive and choose to be happy. Inspite of any challenges. Let's see how your day, your life, your family, our community can be transformed into a better world. One day at a time.

How much is enough?

I'm having difficulty identifying my balance. It's constantly changing based on my life events. Tides are shifting. My needs and wants are in conflict. I have these goals that I want to attain and I am inpatient. I want results and expect them. How much is cosidered healthy and balanced? I guess I define it. And, how do I draw a conclusion from it. Better living. Working at sustaining happiness. How is this achieved? By lowering my expectations, allowing myself to patient with me, creating healthy dialogue, finding new opportunities and setting goals. I can achieve balance through an artful measure. I can identify steps of action. Reassess those steps to make sure they are achieving my goal. Do it everyday. Live it and set reminders. Give myself rewards. Surround myself around positive people who can help me become balanced. 

With change comes growth. It requires perseverance and patience. We won't attain it if we stop. In the end, I benefit. If I am whole, I can be a better person and make a difference.
I asked my 10 year old if its better to be happy or better to comfortable with what you have. She said if I can't be both. Then, I choose happiness. I see her maturity in her eyes and words. She looks me straight in the eye and tells me. I want you to feel happy. 

I reflect on what has happened in the last year. Pressures on managing a household, starting a new business and starting a new lifestyle has been manageble. What I pray for is guidance on determining balance without continuing to neglect myself. I am worthy of being taken care of. I should always keep that in mind. If respect myself, my temple. 

Containment

I've just believe that naysayers are the way they are because they feel insecure or they are jealous. What if these naysayers are the ones you live with in the same home? What do you do then? I grew up with a naysayer. I married one. I have child who doesn't even hear my question and on auto pilot says "no". I am a "yes" person. I say yes, too much. I paint a green picture for most things until it gets painted red. I believe to give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm told I live in lala land. And, if I do, is that bad? Is that how I cope with stress. This helps find solutions and think outside the box.
A girlfriend told me look around you. There is always a balance. For every situation you see a balance. When I pondered about what she said, its true. I married my opposite. In every sense. And, when he and I talk. He says we have nothing in common. But, I disagree. We do because how were we able to find conversation pieces for 10 years and not have a common place. I think now we are so comfortable in our relationship we "expect the other person to be like us". And, what happens next is almost like a hurricane. It sweeps you over and shakes the living life out of you.
What do I do next? How can I compromise? Who is right? Well, I can answer the last question. Me!! LOL!! I am always right. My husband retorts. I rebut, Yes honey you were right. In my head, "I told you I was right." I choose my battles. But, my husband's perspective is much different. He processes things systematically. Almost like a machine. There is no room for errors or operating outside of the standard. What did I expect, he's prior military. He's disciplined in many more ways than I am. He can withstand my yelling and ranting. He can go a thousand miles in the same pair of shoes. He can eat same kind of turkey sandwich everyday for 10 years. He can go 4 hours of sleep and drive 100 miles everyday for 15 years. And, lives it everyday like ground hogs day.
This is how I compromise. I greet him with a smile. If I'm tired I lay down next to him. I write him cute notes and be silly. If you saw us. You wouldn't understand why we are together. I am the chatter box. He is the quiet one mad dogging anyone who looks at me or my daughters. The protective one. I tell him he is my "bulldog". He looks like he'd tear you to pieces and rip your heart out if you pet him. But, if you come face up staring at his eyes and show your hands. He will roll over and drool. Literally!! Haha...no not literally. He does giggle like a girl. Whines more about affection and "Huggie Wuggies" than any other man. When I pet him...ooops caress him. He does soften up. He says that I mess with his head and could get anything out of him. There is some truth to what he says. I've seen him go to the moon and back for his family. And, to this I am glad. He is not contained. He has overflowed my expectations when I least expected. He has opened up our home to friends and family in need. He has cooked, cleaned and bathed me when I was unable to physically. And his heart has engulfed my baby girl that I sometimes forget he missed her first 3 years of life. I am blessed to have my beloved. The container and all!!

Sunsets

What I love about the end of the day are sunsets. We can reflect on the day. We can appreciate the beautiful colors that paint the sky. I love a walk in the evening. It reminds me of the infinite love God for us. We aren't promised another day. But, if we are lucky we get another chance the next day to thank God for our blessings.

I have been working on 1000 gifts. The decision was based on my current state of complaining. Unhappy with my weight, my home, my children's tantrums, my whining husband about finances and hearing myself whine to the point of exhaustion. All the time!

I've had this journal my older brother got me 2 years ago and not surprising I didn't write in it. I don't take time to relax and meditate. I wake and immediately think of my endless list of tasks. And, check my email. And, it's distracting me from starting my day off right. I've made a commitment to myself  for my 40th birthday to start new things. I want to reinvent every aspect in my life. I have begun steps in the last 2 weeks. I've started exercising again regularly. I've purchased healthier foods. Created more meals at home. Balanced my chi with meditation each day. And, what a difference it has made.

I am a nicer person because of these changes. I'm not where I'm exactly hoping to be. But, I've stopped  or least complained less. I have acted  toward my goals. I've accomplished more. I've recruited others to so the same. And, I am hoping this sticks. My calendar is a daily reminder. I just can't "dismiss" the reminders. 

This is a glimpse of my sun-sets!!

Highlights

Highlights are generally glimpses of a story. It gives a sense of what has occured to the reader. I think pictures provide highlights of someone's life.

A journal can do the same as well. It's been a month of cleansing for me and my family. New beginnings with transitions in our home. How well we deal with them is a different story. It's been quite bumpy for us. In fact, extremely bumpy. We have had emotional ups and downs. Life doesn't always provide you the outcomes we expect. In fact, it can be cruel. Down right. People will talk behind your back, stab you in the back and act like your not important.  And, it could be the closest to you. The one you least expect.

And, what do you do and how do you react? I guess it all depends on the specific situation. But, for me I get stuck on principal. Treat others with RESPECT, LOVE and EQUALITY. I walk into Barnes and Noble... why is it we can be courteous to strangers? But, hardest to treat the ones close to us with that same courtesy? Mind blowing.

I am mindful to watch my tongue. Be patient with my little ones and use appropriate language. The battle is something I work toward on a daily basis.

What I have learned is that I let others create a reaction from me. And, I need to let things go. I can find ways to de-stress. I can restore my happy place. I can chose my attitude. And, I can be content to "be". I know with this year starting my 4th decade, I am more comfortable to share my thoughts, insist my ways but I also more confident and more willing to improve my well being. All aspects of it: physical, intellectual, environmental, social and spiritual.

Here is to creating highlights that are positive the rest of the summer. I want to see the reds and gold when I walk in the sun.

Step forward

As my oldest is getting ready to promote I feel mixed emotions and I am not the only one. My children are exhibiting behaviors that are not normal. I have an unstable tween and nine year who acts like a 20 year old. Both feeling the anxiety of moving on to the next school year.

I laugh because I can barely recall how I behaved at home. But, I am sure I've blocked out all the girl drama, my highs and lows as a teen and the friction it caused as a result of my behavior.

I laugh even louder when I look back at how much my older kid is like me. She had a meltdown. Not once but 3 times. Here's the kicker at Disneyland of all places! The happiest place on earth!!! Wow, if that's an indication of how I look. Good grief...I need to hug my husband. He tolerates my shenanigans well. And, I should hug him harder because there are 3 girls in my home. Haha, I pray he has more hair by the time the girls finish high school. Poor thing!

But, I have to be thankful we were in the public. Otherwise, she would have heard a mouthfull from me. And, even more thankful her Godmother was there. Her words resonated in my mind that night. "Don't let things get in the way of having a great time"! Brilliant concept.

It didn't quite sink in right away but as the day progressed it got better. The kids got to ride what they were hoping to get on. Malfunction fixed!

This same child getting ready to promote is going through so much change inside and out. She looks like a different child from one year ago. And, when I see her I have to remember her age. Her brain is still processing how to deal with stepping forward. How is she coping with a big transition? With mixed emotions: anxiety, sadness, anger, joy. And, hence the meltdown!!!!

I love that she can communicate with me feelings and that she is passionate about what she loves. Including the people she surrounds herself with...and I see bonds developing over time. I pray that these girls step forward with courage and vigilance.

Flexing

I want structure and I need it. I want to teach this to my children. It makes me feel like I have things in control. But, I know I'm not. I can plan, schedule, coordinate and reschedule but life happens. Sometimes, things don't work out as you imagine or want. And, FLEXIBILITY is key.

How do I teach this? Not by what I tell them but by my actions. I can lead by example. How do I react when my plans don't go as planned? The people in my immediate environment are watching. My kids, students, subordinates or colleagues. I am hoping by this example, I am helping to create change.

I decide internally without consciousness to make plans this weekend as our plans fall through. And, to my surprise, exceeded my expectations. All the while  creating memorable moments. I am thankful my beloved was flexible along the way. It is something he is adjusting to even though we have been together over 10 years.

Patching up open wounds

There are times when you cannot control the disappointments that will come into your child's life. They stop being friends with their best friend. They don't get picked for the talent show. And, when this happens, you stand by their side, support them so they can stand back up and dust their legs off. I'd like to tell them it gets better but it doesn't.  Life is full of unexpected turns and it isn't always fair. But, it is how we react to our circumstances that define the person we become.

I was prepared to hear bad news when my child got the news she didn't make the cut for a program at school. I was expecting her to be crushed and hysterical. Much to my surprise,  she was upset but got over it in less than 24 hours. She identified a back up plan. It was a proud Mommy moment. My child maturing into a young tween. Able to cope with life's disappointments. This showed me how I am raising a strong young woman.

In patching up her wound, she was able to console her best friend and be a shoulder to cry on. It made me cry seeing them lean on each other. Grateful they have each other. Not just today but as they journey through the start of junior high. They are ready. Hand in hand. I see good things in their future...the world an open sea to explore.

Transformation

It's amazing to see what can happen in 8 months. So much can change in such a short amount of time. Lives can be transformed from one event. And, life can be taken in a day. It is a reminder that we are on borrowed time. We are given a blessing each day we wake up.




As a look around at the daily tasks that have to be done everyday, I am reminded the little tasks are important. What if those tasks were not completed? There would be an accumulation. Sometimes, I get frustrated because I don't see progress in thetasks that I do. The menial tasks such as dishes, laundry, organizing the house and it's because they never end. As long as we are living, we need to maintain them. Otherwise, it will accumulate and become an unbearable task to start or complete.



As the kids get older, I am trying to teach by example the important of regular maintence. I equate this to everything in life: hygiene, cleaning your environment, spiritual life, physical health, etc. If only it was so easy to balance all of this in our lives when we get thrown something in our schedules. It never seems to fail, a child gets sick and throws your schedule out the door. But, what I am thankful for is the chance to redo each day again. Learn from the last day. Get a chance to renew my spirit, mind and body and show thanks to be able to "maintain" my life and the household.

My kids are transforming into more independent young adults. And, as those menial tasks will disappear, my husband and I will be left with transforming our life as an empty nesters. God willing. My schedule does not always equate to God's plan. And, I say this as I am reminded by a death of a family friend who was taken too soon from this earth and left a young family. It brings a reminder that I should relish these days and live in moment. Enjoy the moments of having my oldest ask me to come and spend time with her, lay on my lap or ask me to shop with her at the mall. There will come a day, she will ask that I not come. And, it breaks my heart because I know it's right around the corner. And, I mourn for the child that lost her mother, who will not be able to take her shopping for a prom dress and see her off to college. I am changing my thoughts of having expectations to have all the tasks done and expecting the house clean like you see in the movies. I will transform my life to priortize what type of legacy I leave behind. Which are the values of time spent with my family, enjoying the present and creating balance. And, doing so without any expectations of receiving it back. Giving it whole heartedly. Hoping I said and showed them that what matters is my loved ones. Helping others as God commanded me. And, using my talents to praise his name.

Frozen

Stillness. I am enjoying being in my thoughts before the girls get out of school. Then the craziness of our afterschool schedule begins. Frozen in this quiet stare of the gorgeous sky. I am at peace with sitting alone in the car. There was a time, I needed to fill my time with busy work and conversations with others. These days, I look for as much quiet time.

Fifteen minutes later, Mommy mode kicks in and I'm ready for the week. Luckily the snacks in the car come in handy and we head to the local library for a project that my child fails to mention (I had to have a conversation about being responsible to plan ahead).The girls ravish the snacks. Always hungry after school. Hearing about their day from school and share the newest news. I love these moments when the kids share their day without me having to probe them. These are times that I like to keep frozen in my mind. Hearing the conversations of the girls and there's no arguements or fighting.

Capturing a glimpse of the everyday moments that I am thankful for and wishing they wouldn't pass by so quickly. Both babes of mine and born to my friends are blooming into these lovely ladies. Our future. I have the  opportunity to see them grow and help mold them to be the responsible adults.