Monday, May 11, 2020

Plan for the unexpected

Today's international girls day... how fitting since I remembered to write on the blog after almost a month since my last post and my baby girl has arrived. At only 3 weeks old, Charley is proving to be strong and already changing the world just by her presence. It's pretty amazing how a child can have an impact on so many lives. It reminds us all about our own innocence and viewing things through new eyes seeing things for the first time. The conversations in our family revolve around the baby and reminiscing about everyone's milestones when they were little. The impact of one more person of family has changed the dynamics of our family. For one, we are now a family that is even so we now pair up. My older girls enjoy bonding with the baby and surprisingly the toddler is not jealous. She has taken to her new role of big sister or "Ate pronounced ahh-tehh ". She likes to grab diapers and wipes. She will soothe her crying baby sister. And, give her kisses or hug her whenever she can. Almost to the toddler's fault because she doesn't know boundaries, the baby is already annoyed when the toddler wakes her from a nap because she is so excited to be near her.........




Fast track 6 months later because I never finished this blog! Doesn’t that sound all too familiar? I can’t seem to finish A LOT of things. So just as I am getting into the hang of things with 4 kids, survived 3 seasons of sports, going back to work, still working on potty training and getting back to exercise, balance of social activities and creating Mom space. It all changes with a phone call.

The hubby and I have always talked about when we get older and when our parents do how to best prepare us to be physically, financially and emotionally prepared. Except it’s all in theory and when reality comes knocking on your door, you have to come to a halt or at least re-prioritize your life.

This year is not even one quarter in and we got some devastating news about my mother in law and her health. When I got the news, I wasn’t surprised and yet I was. I’ve  always told my husband and students. You have to invest in yourself. You need to take care of your body, health and well being. Balance is key. For as long as I have know my MIL, she has worked tirelessly for years, not take vacations or breaks for meals and rarely have a day off. So the day has come, she has come to complete halt. She has to put herself first and her immediate needs. I think it’s so unfortunate it takes her this moment where she is forced to stay in bed to reconsider how she wants to move forward with life.

The hubby DOES NOT handle emotional things very well. Being an only child also gives another pressure with having an ailing parent. We have been running in and out of hospitals, doctors visits and appointments. When I say “we”, I literally mean me. One, I’d say I have a clearer understanding of what is going on with my professional background and I am able to carry the emotional burden for us two as he processes it.

Reunions

This summer was about reunions. Spending time with family and friends and making time with them outside of family celebration like a wedding or funeral. But, just as life is expected we lost some family members which is yet another reminder to relish our time together.

My girls enjoyed seeing my extended family from out of town and was our first experience flying with our toddler. And, being 7 1/2 months pregnant with our 4th child proved to be challenging  but learned to just go with the flow.

As I reflect another summer that has flown by, I am beyond thankful for the shared experiences we had and the opportunity my husband gave us to enjoy Seattle and camping at Newport Dunes. We had  numerous late nights of stories, dancing, swimming, singing and laughter.

Because I am expecting my 4th child, I didn't make a planned itinerary for the trips or summer. We got to sleep in, visit spontaneous places and it turned out great. I allowed the older  girls choose sights to visit because I know I only have a few more years to have them vacation with us before they are college bound. 

And, we hit milestones in our family for our 2 year old who weaned out of her bottle and has had some successful potty training moments. We celebrated her 2nd birthday with a first time visit to Disneyland.  My pregnancy teen turning "13" and welcoming womanhood. I contemplated having red moon party but she didn't think it was funny. And, my 15 year old starting to study for her driving permit. It is all happening in such a flash. It has overwhelmed me when I try to process it all and the hormones don't help too.

I've got 4 weeks until out family becomes a family of 6 to make us complete. Of all my pregnancies, this has been one of the fastest. Life has just flown by. It makes me almost want to slow things down but then again each new chapter is so much fun to see my girls grow into the young  women they are becoming. Our conversations are filled with depth and thoughtfulness. Watching them mature and make healthy and wise decisions for their futures brings me hope. Even with all the turmoil in this world, terrorist attack in Barcelona, Spain and violence in Virginia, I am fervent in prayer to continue to teach love, tolerance and peace within my household. My prayer is they exhibit in their actions at home and school with family, friends and strangers because our world needs more examples of it. 

This summer was eye opening to see how family and friends who are committed to maintaining relationships. I usually, am the first to coordinate groups in my circle but with all the changes happening in our household, I refrained. It was refreshing to hear from long time friends and extended family, it's nice when you can just pick up from where you left off like no time has passed. It also, reminded that it's easy to let time pass but we are never guaranteed another day so we should make a concerted effort. And, I am reminded to tell and show my loved ones how much they care to me and let go of my own biases, hurt and pride which can get in the way of any healthy relationship grow.

For the rest of the year, my wish is to find some balance as we experience a transition of having a newborn and making time to nurture our relationships and not neglect our own needs. I am able to communicate effectively, honestly and ask for help when needed. And, when it all comes undone, I take each day as new and remind myself each day is a new opportunity to come back together and learn with each other. 

Comfort zone

All summer my girls and I rendered an unscheduled plan. They decided last minute to participate in sports outside of their comfort zone and tried something new. And, they loved it! We explored new sites in our local area. And, while they say they would have gone to Hawaii or somewhere exotic. They loved it! The selfies prove it.

I think my most memorable part of the summer was having the long conversations at the pool with my family. Hearing the girls banter back and forth through board games and just dance on the wii. We all said that we wanted an exotic vacation but of course money and time were limitations. In the end, we had a staycation in one of our favorite local cities. And, we enjoyed some great family time. Long overdue family time and made some great memories. When I ask my girls what some highs of the summer was for them...it was getting to experience vacation, beach days and day excursions with their baby sister. It warms my heart! This is what its all about!

When I look at all the pictures from the summer and the start of a new school year, I smile at the fact, we all went outside of our comfort zone. We visited new places, we all tried new things, we enjoyed each other's company and my children have grown a new appreciation for going outside of their comfort zone.

A new school year with my oldest starting high school without her friends from junior high. I am proud of her for making a choice herself. She acknowledge her fear of not knowing anyone going with her  from her previous school but still forged ahead. And, on the first day, meet a core group of friends and signed up for ASB. When I asked her if she regretted going to a different school from her friends, she said no. She is sticking by her decision, even though I know she feels bad when she sees pictures of her friends on social media.She is creating a path for herself. She if confident in her decision. She is forming new bonds.On top of this, joining a new sport at a new school. And, training on her own. Her summer of nesting at home and her experience from junior high has created a new young lady.

B

My middle child starting junior high has started without a hitch. She has adapted well. My shy child has made new friends and despite not having all her friends in her classes or at lunch, she has maintained a positive outlook. What stands out the most for me is her ability to adapt. Not only has our scheduled changed but she has taken initiative to be responsible for herself and helping out at home with her baby sister.

And, just while we started the new year, I go outside of my comfort zone to take on a new position with a new company. I'm not sure how crazy this year will be but I welcome the change. And, like my girls, I will go outside of my comfort zone. I am setting an example for my girls. They are watching me. I want to do them right by creating opportunities for growth within myself so they can see it is important to be a Mom at home and a Career Mom. I am beyond grateful for this opportunity. I can still be the kind of Mom who is present when they need me and balance a career.I am grateful to my husband who is supportive and allows me the opportunity to be the kind of mom and wife that fits our family.

Advocacy

Have you had a chance to advocate for something? What do you stand for? When is it worth while to take a stand for something?

Advocacy is public support for a cause.

Early in my childhood, I took on advocate work. Education, homelessness and poverty, health issues, domestic violence and gender parity. 

Last month, we celebrated #internationalwomensday. As the month continued and having conversations with my girlfriends who are moms, entrepreneurs, stakeholders in our communities, and educators it is apparent as moms we naturally advocate for our children.  As WOMEN do our roles of motherhood depriortize ourselves? Around the world there isn't gender parity. There are much larger issues such as violence, hunger, etc. But, can you imagine if heads of states would implement policy for gender parity, how much value women can give out communities impact the GDP of each country. Our world is at a loss for not utilizing the resources of what a woman brings to the table. 

People ask me why I chose to quit my career when I peaked. And, it was such a personal choice made based on my priorities. Motherhood changes you. I wasn't just defined by working title, salary, office space, assets, or travel. Does it devalue my experience that I work part time so I can be a full time stay at home mom?  I have 3 girls. For me, I am showing them how to balance life. It was my choice, not corporate America's. Can I go back full time and go running back to my career and make 6 figures? I test marketed my skill set to prove something  to myself and family. Yes! I can even after leaving my full time career 12 years ago. Why? I have value in what I do everyday. And, I made sure I would have something  to go back to when I am an empty nester. I get asked why I juggle multiple hats. It's because it allows me the flexibility  to stay at home,  sustain an income to contribute, engage with adults and it's fulfilling. I am a better individual being able to juggle these roles. I am happier. And, why wouldn't  I? Didn't my Grandmother and mother advocate for women's rights?

Waiting for our children and listening to a girlfriend share her comings and going of motherhood /womanhood I was reminded how similar our struggles are with raising children in different stages,  working, battling health issues, aging, and relationships. I was in awe of her ability to manage all her roles and remain smiling. Sharing her personal health news made me sad. Not just because of my own health history and the scares it comes with but because she no longer has her parents and is only child. And, when she shared the news with me and a mutual friend. We all discussed getting together. We should celebrate life. And so, as tradition continues after 5 years we celebrate the lives of some exceptional women I know and love. Not just for their roles as mothers and sisters who I now have but also the value they bring to their communities, the passion they bring to their roles of Medicine, PHARMd, Nurse practitioner, Culinary  artist, Educator and Religious Ministry. 

My child was insightful when I mentioned I would   celebrate  all these women whom I love. Mama, they were born on this week of March (some on the same year in different parts of the world) only to be brought together by the bond of womanhood/sisterhood.

It was during this same week I uncovered by chance someone who was close to my heart betrayed my  trust. How can we say we advocate for right and the moral compass of what God asks of us when our actions are the complete opposite. To spread gossip, make threatening comments, make defamatory  statements and ill will toward children. Then, in your face tell you they love you and would do anything for you. The wounds still healing  in my back not just because of the uncovering of deceit and dishonesty but the calculated actions of  malice toward me and my entire family. It reminds me of a book I just read, sociopaths come in all forms and faces. It is now I retrace my thoughts and memories and it is with clear eyes, how much trust I put in this friendship and as I close the door. I pray for those who choose to destroy and I seek for wisdom to move forward with forgiveness. Thankful for the genuine people in my life who are honest enough even when it is uncomfortable  and can love me even with my most annoying and unnerving idiosyncrasies. 

PSA to my fellow women: take care of yourself. The world needs you. Get your mammogram, physical,  take a vacation, walk and smell the ROSEs and smile. It is a NEW day and it's a gift. 

This little lamb

How appropriate as lent begins,  my girls are able to see my little lamb welcomed into God's family. We were reminded of how much sacrifice God's for his children because his love is infinite.

I always tell my children that there is no greater love than God's outside of mine. LOL! And, HE has plan for them. They witnessed this when family  and friends gathered to see our little lamb baptized. We are blessed for having God's presence come into fruition in front of our eyes and this child be an example.  The little one arrived 8 years after my diagnosis of thyroid cancer. The world is destined for another woman to make change. I had this longing when I was initially diagnosed and when I got the news I was having another child it was surreal. I was in the middle of watching my Grandmother's health declining and  having her say her goodbyes. As a tribute to her, my little one carries her name which means gift. She is a gift. She is a reminder each new day of life is a gift. And, we shouldn't  take it for granted. 

My middle child recounted the day she found out she would be a big sister . Her initial reaction,  was anger. Why? She wouldn't be the baby in the family and I wouldn't have time for her the way she was accustomed. At 10 years old, I was amazed she was comfortable  and honest to be vulnerable and express her feelings. She owned it. I listened to her and then we went to mass. On our way, I talked about the benefits of having a younger sister. It was in the same church where she was baptized and my little lamb would be, my girl apologized to us before communion. She said she loved her sister. And, she rubbed my belly and whispered she loved her already. As a mom 2 months pregnant full of hormones, my eyes wept of joy and relief. 

As I stood up to walk to the baptismal water fountain, I saw rows of family and friends who are family ready to see our youngest child's body get completely immersed in water. Why  is it significant?  It represents new beginnings,  life and the support my child will need as she journeys through our faith. I feel blessed.  My child will grow up seeing these  people and be able to go to them when I pass one day. Thankful to our friends  who are her Godparents and their families.  

Punched in the stomach

If I was to guess the moment, I heard bad news, I'd guess it would usually be at the least likely appealing place. This week, I had to step back from the unsettling news of death of a family friend who is my age. I felt like I was punched in the stomach. A stream of emotions over whelmed me as I recalled childhood memories of family picnics, vacations, and conversations of what we do when we grew up. Some 20+ years later, we lost touch because life took us in different directions but always heard about the ins and outs through our parents. I am saddened because I knew she had health issues and never quite took time to visit her. And, I regret it. I kept putting it off for tomorrow and now she is gone.

I was sulking this week as I am recovering from the flu and tending to my 3 girls who are also sick. Oh the joys of mother hood. The coughing, hacking, blowing noses and vomit are just part of the symptoms. The good thing, we all got sleep and much needed sleep. In between naps throughout the day, I was thankful to my parents for comfort food. The simplicity of rice porridge tastes like gold in my mouth and helps opens up my breathing passages. While spending most of the week in PJs, I got to reconnect with my girls by binging on Netflix series, reading aloud, and making silly videos. My girls all sharing in their misery together and still could laugh together just made me thankful. Their bond so tight and interwoven. My mom used to tell me growing up that my brothers and I only had each other to count on. I say the same to my girls. And, as friendships have shifted over the years, I have seen my two older girls confide in each other as they mature. It makes my heart warm because I know after I pass, I am confident they will be each other's support.