Quiet moments

I've been enjoying the quiet moments of the day. When the kids are still asleep and I can lay in bed. Thinking about the upcoming  day and saying my gratitudes for all that I have to look forward to. There are moments during the day when I get overwhelmed with all the duties of teaching, managing a household, mothering and maintaining balance in our household. A recent conversation with my husband was enlightening because he said acknowledged the order in house is because of me. I was thankful he recognized and validated what I do because all too many times, I generally feel I am inadequate since tasks get undone. My mind always in a flurry and testy tempers flare when the household when overwhelmed with projects, extracurricular activities and school work.

I asked my oldest daughter one saturday morning if she was happy and what I could do to help her get to that happy place. She and I have been butting heads on a daily basis. She couldn't answer my question be she was unsure and caught off guard. We had just argued about a hairstyle. Both of us tired from the week and not getting enough sleep. It's not an excuse but a reality. My child is so much like me. She is driven, wanting each situation, outfit, hairstyle, grades...to be perfect. How did she become like this? Anxious little girl that stresses over minute things. It probably me setting the tone and her watching me over the years.So, I am going to practice what I preach in class. Stress management.  Balancing physical, emotional, environmental and intellectual health.

I will schedule less, not overbook, create space to breathe, work smart, work less and enjoy the present. Not allow others to annoy me who won't matter years from now. Choose quality time with my family and friends. Nuture the relationships that are raw and real. Where I can share my emotions without feeling judged or fear of revealing my inner most thoughts. I am learning to be comfortable with letting go of things and people that have runned their course in my life. The experiences in my my life and the poelle have come into it have taught me well about myself. What I value. And, sometimes things don't play out as planned. It worked out and helped shaped my perspective. Grateful for those who taught me life's lessons, those who have held my hand, cried with me, and shared my triumphs.

I am enjoying these days. Thankful for the changes happening,  transitions in our home and seeing my family evolve. The roots spreading and seeing the foundation my parents gave me being passed down.

Growing pains

Part of change is dealing with the growing pains. Our household constantly in transition. The body parts that hurt are the lessons we learn along the way. We learn as parents to deal with the changes that occur physically, emotionally and spiritually as our children grow. I am in awe when God provides avenues for us to grow with our children. I have battled with balance and purpose. I've always stormed through life with a purpose for each phase in my life.

And, in this moment I am at a crossroad. Trying to determine my next path. I have done for others, worked alongside some great people and created a life with substance. Yet,  I feel unfulfilled. My maximum ability not maximized. I envisioned greater things. Leaving a legacy for my children. I feel I have been stagnant for sometime, comfortable with having things in my control. Fear of failing so easier to stay within my comfort zone.

I tell my kids to try their best,  do more, aim higher and I have been so focused on mothering and being a wife. I lost some of my identity. The last 4 months has given me an opportunity to slow down and reasses where I want to be 10 years from now. Who I want to be surrounded by and I realize I need to go back to my roots. The values that were instilled in me.

I am blessed to have a great support system who keeps me grounded. My loves remind me that I can "be" and support my crazy idealistic views of the world. I believe in people. I BELIEVE IN GOOD. I shouldn't let naysayers, negative energy and haters change me, my family and leaving our legacy. We can love one another, share our gifts  with others and help humanity. I want to teach my kids, there is a world outside of our community where don't have the basic necessities such as food, shelter, education and freedom. I want my kids to go through the growing pains to live enriched lives. I am a better person to go through my own growing pains. Realizing my capacity to grow through each phase in my life. To look back at my experiences which have given me opporunities to learn. 

Summer passing with a fresh start

A new school year is bitter sweet. It's a reminder a season is ending. Our family enjoys the summer feasts of bbqs, beach days and swimming until the evening. The start of a new school year jumps start the fall season. FALL BACK INTO OUR ROUTINE. The kids adjusted well for the first week. While I can't seem to keep composure. I too am back to school, teaching more regularly.  Grading, creating lesson plans, writing my grant proposals and balancing life and household.

I had a moment of enlightenment when in class last night a student mentioned how she was sad, she is not able to have the conversations she once had with her children. Life as a working mom and attending school full time have limited her ability to engage in her children's lives. And, how fortunate I am. To be able to partake in my kids everyday life. I felt guilty almost...that I have the opportunity and yet I still sometimes complain.  I am truly blessed, I can drop off my kids, take them a special first day of school lunch, pick them up and make dinner.

Technology rules apply

With the rise of social media, etiquette and privacy issues become concerns as a parent of two young girls. I've had discussions with fellow parents and my own children about individual responsibility and parental responsibility for minors. Since I can remember, I've  come across people who were rude, crass or mean. Now, I see it happening not only to kids but adults as well. Have we not evolved as human beings?

What bothers me most is when people I know in my family and good friends act this way. Am I suppose to turn a blind eye? I can't!! It bothers me. I have to say my peace. That is wrong to treat people with such disrespect.

I become obsessed with thoughts about my own childhood. Trying to recall the issues I had when I was a child and how I dealt with them. Was I able to confide in my parents? Did I treat my family and friends with dignity and respect? And, for the most part I did. I was put in check whem I didn't. I was constantly reminded to respect others and the golden rule. And, more important my parents set an example of grace and dignity with family,  friends and collegues. Even, when they lost all their money when the real estate crash happened in the 1980s. They found who were their true friends when even family turned their back on them and helped my parents provide the basic necessities such as shelter, food and education. And, lastly our family grew closer because of my parents adversities.

I can't change others behaviors. I have to stay true to my beliefs. Teach these values to my children so they can an example of what a Christian should be. I am trying be in the presence of our Lord everyday. Talk, act and think they way our Lord taught us. Jumping two feet in!

Consistency

I'm working on progression. Moving forward and not letting my fears, past and complacency get the better me.  I am 15 days in the 21 day challenge. They say it takes 21 days to make anything a habit.

Part of this process is self assessment of the past, present and future. It's not always easy getting a raw glimpse of yourself. But, necessary for self-improvement.

Roaring voices

Summers fading away! I'm trying to think about some of my favorite moments in the last 2 months. There are so many!!

I am feeling beyond blessed; To have enjoyed this summer with my girls.
Hanging out a lot!! Sleeping in. Eating the summer fruits and enjoying the company of friends and family.

What has the summer provided for me? Renewal.
A renewed energy. For life, love, friendships and most of all our Lord. I am working on

Free spirits

What great adventures the girls have enjoyed this summer. Scoping out nature, swimming in waterholes, climbing trees, making smores with no bonfire.  The girls were sad to leave the fun and their friends. It was nostalgic looking at pictures on the way home and hearing their stories as it reminded me of my own childhood. And, I'm so happy to offer these similar memories to my girls. What gets me more excited is that they want to make this a tradition. All these kids ranging from 7 years old to 17 years old were able to let go of their age differences while  playing board games, make smores, find fish in the water and share stories. When they go back to school they have lots of stories to share. These boys and girls who are blossoming into young men and women will have this connection that hopefully lasts a lifetime.