Containment

I've just believe that naysayers are the way they are because they feel insecure or they are jealous. What if these naysayers are the ones you live with in the same home? What do you do then? I grew up with a naysayer. I married one. I have child who doesn't even hear my question and on auto pilot says "no". I am a "yes" person. I say yes, too much. I paint a green picture for most things until it gets painted red. I believe to give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm told I live in lala land. And, if I do, is that bad? Is that how I cope with stress. This helps find solutions and think outside the box.
A girlfriend told me look around you. There is always a balance. For every situation you see a balance. When I pondered about what she said, its true. I married my opposite. In every sense. And, when he and I talk. He says we have nothing in common. But, I disagree. We do because how were we able to find conversation pieces for 10 years and not have a common place. I think now we are so comfortable in our relationship we "expect the other person to be like us". And, what happens next is almost like a hurricane. It sweeps you over and shakes the living life out of you.
What do I do next? How can I compromise? Who is right? Well, I can answer the last question. Me!! LOL!! I am always right. My husband retorts. I rebut, Yes honey you were right. In my head, "I told you I was right." I choose my battles. But, my husband's perspective is much different. He processes things systematically. Almost like a machine. There is no room for errors or operating outside of the standard. What did I expect, he's prior military. He's disciplined in many more ways than I am. He can withstand my yelling and ranting. He can go a thousand miles in the same pair of shoes. He can eat same kind of turkey sandwich everyday for 10 years. He can go 4 hours of sleep and drive 100 miles everyday for 15 years. And, lives it everyday like ground hogs day.
This is how I compromise. I greet him with a smile. If I'm tired I lay down next to him. I write him cute notes and be silly. If you saw us. You wouldn't understand why we are together. I am the chatter box. He is the quiet one mad dogging anyone who looks at me or my daughters. The protective one. I tell him he is my "bulldog". He looks like he'd tear you to pieces and rip your heart out if you pet him. But, if you come face up staring at his eyes and show your hands. He will roll over and drool. Literally!! Haha...no not literally. He does giggle like a girl. Whines more about affection and "Huggie Wuggies" than any other man. When I pet him...ooops caress him. He does soften up. He says that I mess with his head and could get anything out of him. There is some truth to what he says. I've seen him go to the moon and back for his family. And, to this I am glad. He is not contained. He has overflowed my expectations when I least expected. He has opened up our home to friends and family in need. He has cooked, cleaned and bathed me when I was unable to physically. And his heart has engulfed my baby girl that I sometimes forget he missed her first 3 years of life. I am blessed to have my beloved. The container and all!!

Sunsets

What I love about the end of the day are sunsets. We can reflect on the day. We can appreciate the beautiful colors that paint the sky. I love a walk in the evening. It reminds me of the infinite love God for us. We aren't promised another day. But, if we are lucky we get another chance the next day to thank God for our blessings.

I have been working on 1000 gifts. The decision was based on my current state of complaining. Unhappy with my weight, my home, my children's tantrums, my whining husband about finances and hearing myself whine to the point of exhaustion. All the time!

I've had this journal my older brother got me 2 years ago and not surprising I didn't write in it. I don't take time to relax and meditate. I wake and immediately think of my endless list of tasks. And, check my email. And, it's distracting me from starting my day off right. I've made a commitment to myself  for my 40th birthday to start new things. I want to reinvent every aspect in my life. I have begun steps in the last 2 weeks. I've started exercising again regularly. I've purchased healthier foods. Created more meals at home. Balanced my chi with meditation each day. And, what a difference it has made.

I am a nicer person because of these changes. I'm not where I'm exactly hoping to be. But, I've stopped  or least complained less. I have acted  toward my goals. I've accomplished more. I've recruited others to so the same. And, I am hoping this sticks. My calendar is a daily reminder. I just can't "dismiss" the reminders. 

This is a glimpse of my sun-sets!!

Highlights

Highlights are generally glimpses of a story. It gives a sense of what has occured to the reader. I think pictures provide highlights of someone's life.

A journal can do the same as well. It's been a month of cleansing for me and my family. New beginnings with transitions in our home. How well we deal with them is a different story. It's been quite bumpy for us. In fact, extremely bumpy. We have had emotional ups and downs. Life doesn't always provide you the outcomes we expect. In fact, it can be cruel. Down right. People will talk behind your back, stab you in the back and act like your not important.  And, it could be the closest to you. The one you least expect.

And, what do you do and how do you react? I guess it all depends on the specific situation. But, for me I get stuck on principal. Treat others with RESPECT, LOVE and EQUALITY. I walk into Barnes and Noble... why is it we can be courteous to strangers? But, hardest to treat the ones close to us with that same courtesy? Mind blowing.

I am mindful to watch my tongue. Be patient with my little ones and use appropriate language. The battle is something I work toward on a daily basis.

What I have learned is that I let others create a reaction from me. And, I need to let things go. I can find ways to de-stress. I can restore my happy place. I can chose my attitude. And, I can be content to "be". I know with this year starting my 4th decade, I am more comfortable to share my thoughts, insist my ways but I also more confident and more willing to improve my well being. All aspects of it: physical, intellectual, environmental, social and spiritual.

Here is to creating highlights that are positive the rest of the summer. I want to see the reds and gold when I walk in the sun.

Step forward

As my oldest is getting ready to promote I feel mixed emotions and I am not the only one. My children are exhibiting behaviors that are not normal. I have an unstable tween and nine year who acts like a 20 year old. Both feeling the anxiety of moving on to the next school year.

I laugh because I can barely recall how I behaved at home. But, I am sure I've blocked out all the girl drama, my highs and lows as a teen and the friction it caused as a result of my behavior.

I laugh even louder when I look back at how much my older kid is like me. She had a meltdown. Not once but 3 times. Here's the kicker at Disneyland of all places! The happiest place on earth!!! Wow, if that's an indication of how I look. Good grief...I need to hug my husband. He tolerates my shenanigans well. And, I should hug him harder because there are 3 girls in my home. Haha, I pray he has more hair by the time the girls finish high school. Poor thing!

But, I have to be thankful we were in the public. Otherwise, she would have heard a mouthfull from me. And, even more thankful her Godmother was there. Her words resonated in my mind that night. "Don't let things get in the way of having a great time"! Brilliant concept.

It didn't quite sink in right away but as the day progressed it got better. The kids got to ride what they were hoping to get on. Malfunction fixed!

This same child getting ready to promote is going through so much change inside and out. She looks like a different child from one year ago. And, when I see her I have to remember her age. Her brain is still processing how to deal with stepping forward. How is she coping with a big transition? With mixed emotions: anxiety, sadness, anger, joy. And, hence the meltdown!!!!

I love that she can communicate with me feelings and that she is passionate about what she loves. Including the people she surrounds herself with...and I see bonds developing over time. I pray that these girls step forward with courage and vigilance.

Flexing

I want structure and I need it. I want to teach this to my children. It makes me feel like I have things in control. But, I know I'm not. I can plan, schedule, coordinate and reschedule but life happens. Sometimes, things don't work out as you imagine or want. And, FLEXIBILITY is key.

How do I teach this? Not by what I tell them but by my actions. I can lead by example. How do I react when my plans don't go as planned? The people in my immediate environment are watching. My kids, students, subordinates or colleagues. I am hoping by this example, I am helping to create change.

I decide internally without consciousness to make plans this weekend as our plans fall through. And, to my surprise, exceeded my expectations. All the while  creating memorable moments. I am thankful my beloved was flexible along the way. It is something he is adjusting to even though we have been together over 10 years.

Patching up open wounds

There are times when you cannot control the disappointments that will come into your child's life. They stop being friends with their best friend. They don't get picked for the talent show. And, when this happens, you stand by their side, support them so they can stand back up and dust their legs off. I'd like to tell them it gets better but it doesn't.  Life is full of unexpected turns and it isn't always fair. But, it is how we react to our circumstances that define the person we become.

I was prepared to hear bad news when my child got the news she didn't make the cut for a program at school. I was expecting her to be crushed and hysterical. Much to my surprise,  she was upset but got over it in less than 24 hours. She identified a back up plan. It was a proud Mommy moment. My child maturing into a young tween. Able to cope with life's disappointments. This showed me how I am raising a strong young woman.

In patching up her wound, she was able to console her best friend and be a shoulder to cry on. It made me cry seeing them lean on each other. Grateful they have each other. Not just today but as they journey through the start of junior high. They are ready. Hand in hand. I see good things in their future...the world an open sea to explore.

Transformation

It's amazing to see what can happen in 8 months. So much can change in such a short amount of time. Lives can be transformed from one event. And, life can be taken in a day. It is a reminder that we are on borrowed time. We are given a blessing each day we wake up.




As a look around at the daily tasks that have to be done everyday, I am reminded the little tasks are important. What if those tasks were not completed? There would be an accumulation. Sometimes, I get frustrated because I don't see progress in thetasks that I do. The menial tasks such as dishes, laundry, organizing the house and it's because they never end. As long as we are living, we need to maintain them. Otherwise, it will accumulate and become an unbearable task to start or complete.



As the kids get older, I am trying to teach by example the important of regular maintence. I equate this to everything in life: hygiene, cleaning your environment, spiritual life, physical health, etc. If only it was so easy to balance all of this in our lives when we get thrown something in our schedules. It never seems to fail, a child gets sick and throws your schedule out the door. But, what I am thankful for is the chance to redo each day again. Learn from the last day. Get a chance to renew my spirit, mind and body and show thanks to be able to "maintain" my life and the household.

My kids are transforming into more independent young adults. And, as those menial tasks will disappear, my husband and I will be left with transforming our life as an empty nesters. God willing. My schedule does not always equate to God's plan. And, I say this as I am reminded by a death of a family friend who was taken too soon from this earth and left a young family. It brings a reminder that I should relish these days and live in moment. Enjoy the moments of having my oldest ask me to come and spend time with her, lay on my lap or ask me to shop with her at the mall. There will come a day, she will ask that I not come. And, it breaks my heart because I know it's right around the corner. And, I mourn for the child that lost her mother, who will not be able to take her shopping for a prom dress and see her off to college. I am changing my thoughts of having expectations to have all the tasks done and expecting the house clean like you see in the movies. I will transform my life to priortize what type of legacy I leave behind. Which are the values of time spent with my family, enjoying the present and creating balance. And, doing so without any expectations of receiving it back. Giving it whole heartedly. Hoping I said and showed them that what matters is my loved ones. Helping others as God commanded me. And, using my talents to praise his name.