Changing tides

Life has a way of changing tides. I am learning to ride the waves. I am now a mother of 3. It's been over 10 years since I've had a newborn. The memories I had of taking care of a newborn was clouded with bits of pieces missing. The blur of being home the first week is broken into large chunks that consist of lack of sleep,  ways to fit in necessities such as food and showers. My saving grace are my support system. My mother, mother in law, my two older girls and girlfriends. My husband on the other hand has taken a back seat until I had a hormonal breakdown. It is easy for me to expect him to know what to do when to do it but I am not good at communicating my needs. And, as a man, I can't expect him to know what I want. So this first weekend, I told him and not in the nicest of ways. He tries poor thing but I cannot expect anything let alone have him do things the way I do them. This is learning lesson for to communicate consistently, forgive and forget, gratefulness and humility.

I got schooled by my Mom and Mother in law to tell people when I need help. That it is OK. And, watching them teach my older daughter old school skills and our culture is priceless. I remember a time when I could do it all. My way was the best way and getting help was for the weak. Little did I know then. Most of the stress I caused myself. Seeing my two girls mature and become responsible young women tells me they are more capable then the credit I give them. These changing tides require me to let them ride the waves and learn from their own experiences.

Springs into life

It's been awhile since I blogged. And, so much has taken my time with mothering, working with Autistic kids and teaching. I am now 7 months pregnant with my 3rd child. Having a kid in your 40s is no joke. There are pains I didn't have when I was pregnant in my 20s and 30s. But, this experience is wholly different. I am learning to slow things down and appreciate down time. The relationships I nurture are the quality ones. I'm not so much in a hurry to keep myself busy although having two kids playing travel soccer is busy just by itself.

I have taken to enjoying quality time at home. Nesting has taken place. Reading to calm me down. Listening to my body to rest and allow myself to take naps without feeling guilty. Just a year ago life as I viewed it was different. I had to fill my time with business and busyness.

Parody of life

All the money on this earth couldn't fix all the problems. And, the sheer fact that people have an inherent desire to supplement their lives with material goods to bring fulfillment. This is sad. I see this around me. The trips, gadgets, cars are just temporary fixes to the loneliness they feel inside.

My girls made comment about how sad it was to see these people and made a bold statement about what creates happiness. How insightful of my 10 year old to share her thoughts.

So it made me think of why I work so hard and to show the girls that creating a career with financial stability is important. We want options in life to do the things we enjoy. We need to provide the basic necessities. Where do we draw the line? When it becomes excessive?

We read this book this month about how a father prepares a legacy for his only child. Creating an option for this adult child. I prepare for this as I look at all that I have accomplished and attained in assets. It's to leave behind a legacy for my kids and their kids. To create opportunities to have quality time with them. To make memories alongside them. I sacrifice the material things I once dreamed of. The custom made home, exotic car, world class travel and substitute it for being a wife and mom. A teacher at a mediocre salary considering I have post baccalaureate education. I'm ok with it. I share everday moments such as first days of school, stories about puppy love, friendships formed, and disappointing moments. I've got a limited amount of years. And, before I know it my oldest will be going off to college. I am gonna soak this in. The days they want to snuggle in bed, ask to walk with them and the big bear hugs in public.

Getting Oily

As flu season approaches, I am using preventative methods such as young essential oils:
-thieves for boosting immune system
-lavender for assisting with sleep
-panaway for helping with my asthma

I've had to many health issues and don't want to compromise my health more. My kids are more at risk because of my health history.
I'm teaching them about healthy choices. Sprouts and Trader Joes have been our frequent store to stop by. Fresh fruits and vegetables are staples. Increasing our water intake.

I've just need to watch my caffeine intake and late night munchies. Not just because of my dress size because my metabolism is slowing with 4th decade coming straight on.

I've replenished with paraben free, zinc free and alcohol  free toiletries such as Toms toothpaste, Younique makeup, homemade soaps and cleaners. Why? There is a correlation between toxicity of absorbed chemicals through the skin and gums over time with increased cancer rates.

If anything minimizing my risk for a secondary cancer and reducing the risk for my family. There is enough pollution and poor air quality that affects our health.

Changing habits one day at a time!

To will

Creating willingness to do the right thing and help others is such a different way of thinking in this society that is self- centered. Everyone sitting in their bubble of life. Driving past children in school zones not paying attention to the safety of kids. Opportunistic people stealing their neighbors goods that they earned and work hard to get. People shoving people who get their way without manners. I get annoyed. Is this what I have surrounding me and my community. The examples set for my children?

I sat talking to a group of 15-16 year old kids of various ethnicities but with one commonality. Pursuit to be closer to God. At least I thought so, when I asked them why they came no one answered. But, their body language showed they didn't want to be in a class with me. It made me sad at first and then I prayed with them and them with me. So there, I was able to lay seeds in their minds and hearts.

And, my heart resonated when at week 2, they shared more about their daily struggles. I listened to how they deal with pressures of having good grades, living up to expectations of their parents, peer pressure and relationships. It gave me insight on what I have to look forward to. I just need to remember to have open ears for when I need to listen to my kids struggles and cries for help.

Rescued

We teach our children skills to help them cope with life. But, we can't rescue them from life's disappointments, grief or failures. In fact, we need to teach them to deal with those moments. To show them by example how to plow through those moments.

I wish I could be rescued. I want to escape and fast forward through these moments when the unforseenable is your reality. And, it BITES!!! I am miserable! I am cranky, tired and just sick up playing catch up everyday. Will it ever end? Yes, I suppose when life ceases.

I sat in a local coffee house because I threw a tantrum. I was boycotting my family. And, as I sat in front of my laptop. I felt silly. I got news about my sister friend who is battling cancer. Then, got a text about a family friend who passed. In as much, I think my problems are exhaustive. There are those who are battling far worse problems.

I tried to imagine what it would be like to lose a parent as I said a prayer for my family friend. And, it saddened me. So much, I cried. Because my parents are at that age. They are temperamental. They are mad at me for losing my temper and not agreeing with my vocabulary.

I'm just at a stage in my life that I dont take crap from anyone. I'm too old for it. I know how I wanted to be lived, valued and respected. And, I'm choosing who I want in my circle. I have been rescued many times. And, every time, I stood there I could see who was next to me. Over the years, my friends have come and gone. Family differences have divided us.

Am I suppose to rescue all my relationships? Nope. It's a two way street. Everyone has to put in effort. It's called nurturing each relationship and fostering good will.

And, we are to be God's salts on earth. Flavoring of God and spreading his good will. 

Matthew 5:13

Creating Positivity

One of my best friends challenged me to list 3 positive things each for 5 consecutive days and nominate 3 people each day. What I learned is that the things I thought I would list as blessings were not listed and I am blessed beyond measure. For example: I have so many things I wanted to list that I had to prioritize them.

I did it the same day she challenged me. And, what I loved was seeing who I nominated do this same positivity challenge. There are so many things in this life that go sour and we have trials and hurdle that delay our journey. But, if we focused on those hurdles then we miss the chance to enjoy a slower pace and watching the beauty that lies within our surrounding.

In class tonight, I was extremely caught out of guard when several students told me how I changed their life for the better. One student who is morbidly obese  was recently diagnosed with diabetes who has started  exercising with her husband 3 times a week. She validated what I do. She made all the late night grading papers and prepping for class worthwhile. I've always wanted to impact my student's lives but it is rare I get immediate feedback before my class ends.

This was a rough week with battling a respiratory infection and teaching a full load. Thank goodness for these positive moments in my chaotic life that reminds me of the blessings in my life. Especially, when I'm thrown into a new routine as I transition into a system for grading. I am thankful for doing something I love and am proud to do.